Law Actually

Asbestos dust and the corporate veil… revisited

2012-01-29T23:00:00.001Z

When Korah Leah came home from his job clearing asbestos his children would fling their arms around him the minute he arrived.

As a worker in the 1930s he had no idea he was putting their lives at risk when he hugged the youngsters in his dust-caked overalls.

But now, long after his death from cancer in 1968, two of his children have died from asbestos-related illnesses and a further six have irreversible lung damage.

‘It’s a terrible thing to happen to one family,’ said Maureen McGeogh who lost sisters Marjorie, 67, and Cecelia, 77, within six months of each other.

She said her father would be ‘covered in dust’ when he came home from work as a foreman in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.

‘We’d all crawl all over him and hug him. I remember my mother shaking his overalls and dust going everywhere. We didn’t realise it was dangerous,’ added Mrs McGeogh, 73, of Luddenden, West Yorkshire.

Her only two siblings not affected by pleural plaques – which can develop into malignant mesothelioma – were born after their father left Cape Asbestos in 1958.

The family has been denied compensation for years as none of them worked directly with asbestos.

I came across this story in the Metro a couple of weeks ago which reminded me of a rather poignant article I read during my LLM. (Yes, I know: I surprised myself, too).

I remember it formed part of our rather painful and protracted analysis of the methods, means and history of piercing the corporate veil under English law. Those early weeks seemed entirely taken up with reading a shedload on the Adams v Cape Industries litigation - all that toxic tort (quote-unquote) stuff made for such cheerful reading. In fact, if memory serves, it formed the first formative assessment we had to prepare for the company law module.

The article itself was a subtle (and not-so-subtle) indictment of the way the corporate form could be ~~legitimately~~ ~~abused~~ utilised in managing the threat of multi-billion dollar lawsuits from hazardous business activities. The fact the threat was being ‘managed’ decades after the hideous risks came to the surface (which were supressed with the effectiveness with which a certain group of modern newspapers might be proud) was something of a fly in the ointment that their Lordships had to grapple with once the case reached the House of Lords.

But what always struck me as so chilling was the fact it wasn’t just the mine and factory workers who were struck down by deadly asbestos dust Day to day contact with the Cape workers (and the dust on their clothing) meant that their families became even more unwitting victims too. And it wasn’t just the ‘shop floor’ workers who were affected; it was many of the Cape executives who were responsible for supressing those deadly facts for all those years.

If you fancy reading more (just in case January hadn’t depressed you enough already) here are the details:

G. Tweedale and L. Flynn, ‘Piercing the Corporate Veil: Cape Industries and Multinational Corporate Liability for a Toxic Hazard 1950-2004, (2007) 8 Enterprise and Society 268-296.

BT pay the price for dodgy roadworks

2012-01-26T23:16:00.001Z

From ISPreview.co.uk 26/01/12:

Transport for London (TfL), a UK public authority with responsibility for most aspects of London city's transport system (e.g. roads, railways etc.), have successfully prosecuted both BT and Cable & Wireless (C&W) over a string of "badly managed roadworks".

The Westminster Magistrate's Court handed down several thousand pounds worth of fines to both firms for a raft of failings that included working without a permit, breach of permitting conditions and failure to correctly notify TfL promptly of works taking place.

The TfL Infringements
* BT was prosecuted for infringements at various locations on TfL roads including: Stamford Hill, Marylebone Road, Blackwall Tunnel, Eastern Avenue and Gunnersbury Lane. They were fined a total of £3,765 and ordered to pay TfL's costs of £5,050.
* Infringements by Cable & Wireless occurred on Lambeth Palace Road and Great Eastern Street. They were fined a total of £1,000 and ordered to pay TfL costs of £2,815.

It's understood that BT pleaded guilty to six counts, while C&W pleaded guilty to two offences. TfL claims to have won £20,000 over the past 12 months in similar cases against utility companies for eight separate offences.

Well, goodness me and ‘n and half.

Personally, I’m sick of Openreach vans and trucks of all descriptions being abandoned across pavements near to where I work. A trip to Sainsbury’s at lunch time often ends up more like an assault course as I try and negotiate the never-ending array of cones, bollards, walk-boards (and those barrier ‘hurdle’ type things). Plus, I love the way they raise manhole covers here there and everywhere leaving huge swathes of telephone lines exposed to all and sundry, with no sign of an engineer anywhere. No wonder they’re always having so much copper wire nicked!

What happened to the little red and white striped tents they used to put up over roadworks in the 1990s? Perhaps they went the same way as the Maureen Lipman BT ads.

Still, maybe we should be grateful BT are doing the work. A lot of utility companies sub-contract their road work to third parties who really have no business operating a jackhammer. Oh yes: there’s a wide range of cowboys out there with a profound inability to relay tarmac correctly and a rather careful attitude towards pedestrians’ safety. I’m surprised they’re willing to run the risk of personal injury claims from the more litigious pedestrians out there.

The insurance premiums must be killing them. They do have insurance, right?

Remember, children: where there’s a drain, there’s a claim.

That’s why punctuation exists

2012-01-25T22:55:00.001Z

Regular readers know that email is a constant (and painful) battle for me. If you’ve forgotten, you might want to have a butchers at this and this. I know everyone has gripes, but email gets on my proverbials in ways I can’t even describe.

My latest peeve relates to the following ‘punctuation-less’ email which I received recently.

“Hi Mike* please see the attached would you leave them named as they are no need to put countersigned thanks.”

* OMG – off to a VERY bad start. I simply cannot stand the name, ‘Mike’. (Seriously, it will bring on a bilious attack for me… and no one wants that).

Hmmm. Believe it or not, they aren’t just random words. They were meant to make sense; it’s just a pity they didn’t.

Maybe I should focus on the positives – there was a full stop at the end. But the fact remains I had to re-read this SEVERAL times (and ponder it overnight) before it made any sense to my email-frazzled brain.

So, please, if you’re in the habit of sending emails such as this brarmer, here’s a bit of advice. Just because it made sense to you when you typed it, don’t assume you can whack the send button without so much as a quick skim read.

Everyone always makes a big deal about brevity in emails. If you’re in the ‘short and sweet’ crowd, that’s fine, but just remember you can’t cut out the punctuation and expect it still to make sense to the recipient.

So there you go: another lazy, sloppy email. That’s this evening’s lesson over with, children.

Text-o-rama – Personal Injury Spam

2012-01-22T23:43:00.001Z

I was clearing out my text messages earlier today and came across this brarmer I received a while back.

“Our records indicate that you still haven’t claimed the £3750 compensation for the accident you had. To claim for free reply ‘YES’ to this message.”

Interestingly, I didn’t delete it immediately; perhaps I left it in anticipation of an accident? I’m a glass-half-empty kind of chap, after all.

While keeping it in my inbox might have brought me some comfort, it didn’t stop a little bit of me dying inside when I read it.

Does anybody have the number of Jackson LJ so I can forward this on? I think he’d be interested. Failing that, how about Anne Robinson?

Geeks and sexual harassment

2012-01-19T22:43:00.001Z

Oh I can’t believe that a chap with a bowtie would have wandering hands when the ladies are around!

I thought the IT department would be free from sexual harassment claims at least. Clearly I was wrong.

But I think if I were the woman, I’d be more concerned about bringing an medical negligence claim against the surgeon who performed my botched tummy-tuck. Or maybe the cartoonist’s hand slipped.

Found here.

Shamed Solicitor faces the SRA

2012-01-16T23:06:00.001Z

From ISP Review 16/01/12:

The notorious boss of failed solicitors firm ACS:Law UK and winner of the 2011ISPA Internet Villain award, Andrew Crossley (Solicitor ID 150435), will at 10:00am this morning face a substantive hearing in front of the Solicitors Disciplinary Tribunal (SDT).

The Solicitors Regulatory Authority (SRA) has tabled seven charges against Crossley, not least for "[attempting] to take unfair advantage of other persons" (broadband ISP customers) and that of providing "false information" to a court.

SRA Charges vs Andrew Crossley (ACS:Law)

The Tribunal has certified that there is a case to answer in respect of allegations which are or include that [Crossley] :-

1) Allowed his independence to be compromised.

2) Acted contrary to the best interests of his clients.

3) Acted in a way that was likely to diminish the trust the public places in him or in the legal profession.

4) Entered into arrangements to receive contingency fees for work done in prosecuting or defending contentious proceedings before the Courts of England and Wales except as permitted by statute or the common law.

5) Acted where there was a conflict of interest in circumstances not permitted, in particular because there was a conflict with those of his clients.

6) Used his position as a Solicitor to take or attempt to take unfair advantage of other persons being recipients of letters of claim either for his own benefit or for the benefit of his clients.

7) Acted without integrity in that he provided false information in statements made to the Court.

(AKA - taking the SRA Code of Conduct with a pinch of salt, I believe).

It might be jumping the gun, but I sense that Crossley’s career as a solicitor may have run its course. Still, give it a few years, and I’m sure there’ll be a certain Mr Crossley providing legal consultancy services to clients out there. Particularly the ones with short memories.

Demolition brings soup tragedy closure

2012-01-15T22:44:00.001Z

From Lynn News 15/01/12:

In an emotionally-charged atmosphere, Lynn News competition winner Sarah Griffiths, 41, performed the honours to send Campbell’s Tower on its way this morning.

(Just in case it’s not clear, it was a competition which gave the winner the chance to press the plunger to raise the tower to the ground).

Bizarrely, the picture of the tower reminds me of an episode of Poirot called ‘The Dream’ about a pie factory owner, mysterious goings on and, well, all sorts of things. It’s too longwinded to explain, but I’m sure Poirot lovers will see the connection.

Mrs Griffiths had been married to husband Simon for just four weeks when her 52-year-old father was fatally scalded by a blast of steam while trying to close a huge pressure cooker-type machine at Campbell’s factory in July, 1995.

Mr Locke, who lived in Burkitt Street, Lynn, and colleague Jim Tripp were working on a 10ft high retort, used to sterilise cans and jars at Campbell’s. The inquest was told the retort lid would not close properly and Mr Locke was using a closing spanner when the blast occurred.

Half-an-hour before the detonation of one of Lynn’s most iconic landmarks, nose-to-tail traffic blocked Hardwick Road as spectators’ cars filled the Tesco supermarket and Pierpoint Retail Park car parks nearest to the Campbell’s Meadow site.

Oh, and guess what: the site is being cleared for a new Tesco Extra.

An estimated 3,000 people turned out to watch the last seconds of the tower, which had stood over the town for 52 years.

Crowds stood several deep on the pavements near the B&Q car park, alongside Hardwick Road and back towards the railway bridge.

Air horns sounded a five-minute warning and then again for the start of the ten-second countdown to the detonation. As the 150ft tower fell to earth in under five seconds, one on-looker (sic) said: “It was just like wallpaper coming down.”

“When I felt the thud as it hit the ground, everything felt complete. Now my family can move on and not live in the shadow of that building any longer.”

I first read about this story in the Metro earlier in the week and, I have to say, I was dubious whether pressing the ‘fire’ button could provide sufficient ‘closure’. Still, grief is a personal thing and I suppose anything that helps the family move on from this tragedy has got to be good.

Oh, and the removal of one more eyesore from the skyline can’t be a bad thing either.

A new broom sweeps clean

2012-01-05T23:30:00.001Z

Well, that’s that then.

The Christmas decorations have been taken down at Law Actually HQ – both real and virtual. Our Christmas tree has been stripped naked and taken outside for me to operate on at a later date with a pair of secateurs and a saw. It will eventually be fed into our garden composter – just as nature intended.

The Christmas-fied blog header, has been consigned to the dustbin. May it rot merrily in hell there. I was never overly keen on this year’s header (I think it shows). Oh well: must try harder in 11 months’ time.

I know it might be a bit early for a spring clean, but I’ve started to whittle away at some of the dead wood of blogs I linked to previously. Yes, you’re all allowed to groan at the awful mix of metaphors there.

I regard some of those blogs as dead because they’ve been removed entirely, have not been updated in ages or their authors have gone absent without official leave. Harsh though it is, sometimes you’ve just got to have a clear out.

It would be easy to dwell on the number of blogs that I’ve removed and wax lyrical about what a dire state the blawgosphere is in. But January’s depressing enough already, so I won’t.

Lawtalk – Publication Review

2012-01-04T22:59:00.001Z

Over Christmas, I spent a little downtime immersed in the forthcoming title ‘Lawtalk –The unknown stories behind familiar legal expressions’.

As titles go, Lawtalk is self-explanatory. It’s a very well researched and comprehensive book which does an excellent job of tracing the origin of certain pieces of legal terminology and explains how, from an array of unlikely beginnings, they have nestled themselves so firmly into modern parlance.

While the book runs to nearly 300 pages, I was still surprised by the considerable depth in which each of the nearly 100 phrases is examined. Sensibly, each is tackled in alphabetical order and the pages broken up with the odd photograph, illustration or print. The vast majority of the expressions will be well known to lawyers and non-lawyers alike and so should be of universal appeal. I’m sure a few will evoke a grimace or groan from some readers, but the history behind each phrase is fascinating nonetheless.

Some of my favourites were:

Aid and abet (and the like)

Black letter law

Blackmail

Chancellor’s foot

Day in court

Eye for an eye

Fishing expedition

Hearsay

The law is an ass

Philadelphia lawyer

Rainmaker

Thinking like a lawyer

The whole truth

While clearly being pitched at the US market, the book includes a number of legal phrases widely used (or at least heard of) in the UK. Indeed, as you might imagine, many of the phrases have their origins on this side of the Atlantic which makes the history behind the expressions all the more interesting (for British readers, at least).

Lawtalk would make an excellent gift for both newly qualified and seasoned lawyers alike, as well as law students, graduates or even an anorak-clad ‘lawspotter’ whose reading tastes, for whatever reason, run to the peculiar. It would be a treasured newcomer to any bookshelf and provides an enlightening insight into the countless pieces of ‘legalese’ to which we are all exposed daily, but have had little reason to question - until now.

Lawtalk is due to be published in the UK on 27^th January 2012.

Deadly New Year

2011-12-31T17:19:00.001Z

Just in case you were thinking that New Year’s Eve is a magical night of celebration, excitement for the year ahead and good natured alcohol-fuelled merriment, here’s the USA Today to remind us it’s not. It’s a great big stinking death-trap of a day.

Take one New Year's Eve. Combine with a Saturday. Now add alcohol – and you have a health and safety nightmare.

At least that's how some emergency room doctors feel about the fast-approaching celebration – which is always an occasion for widespread immoderate drinking and could be worse than usual this year.

Geez Louise. I wonder what those ER doctors from the US would make of an average Friday night in any NHS Emergency Department in the UK. Welcome to binge-drinking central!

The likely results will include car crashes caused by drunk drivers. Some of those drivers will be inexperienced teens who, in a new survey, confess that New Year's Eve is the most likely night for them to drive under the influence of drugs or alcohol. But it doesn't stop there. Alcohol also is a factor in 60% of fatal burns and homicides and 50% of sexual assaults throughout the year, says the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

Doctors also see many folks who literally fall down drunk and end up with broken bones and head injuries.

Or ‘having a good time’ as most binge-drinking Brits would describe it.

Strange there’s no mention of setting a firework off in your face just as Big Ben’s peels mark the arrival of the New Year. People seem pretty adept at that too!

And then there's this: January 1 (which, note, begins right after the midnight toasts) [err, yep, thanks for that] is the deadliest day of the year for pedestrians. Some, no doubt, are hit by drunk drivers. But many are "drunk walking," too: 58% of those killed had high levels of alcohol in their blood, a study found. Drunk walking, on a mile by mile basis, is even riskier than drunk driving, one economist says.

An economist? Why do we need an economist to tell us that? A statistician maybe. A partner from a law firm who sees a spike in personal injury claims from drunk pedestrians perhaps in the New Year. Or even an emergency department doctor who can vouch for the ensuing trauma it causes. But where does an economist fit in with that?

Finally, there are the hangovers. They might not kill you (unless you operate heavy machinery with that next-day headache and brain fog), but they are mighty unpleasant.

Of course, there's one cure for all of these ills: not drinking. Or, if you're not driving, you could try drinking the same moderate amounts that work so nicely for so many people on so many other evenings.

I think in the case of Brits, we should just stick with the ‘not drinking’ message. We seem to have lost all perception of moderation a decade or so ago.

The modern family Christmas experience?

2011-12-29T23:01:00.001Z

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who was moaned at for being surgically attached to their smartphone throughout the recent festivities.

I felt I’d done nothing wrong; after all, why should the celebrations, merriment and goodwill to all men be allowed to impinge on connectivity?

If Tiny Tim had had an iPhone, he’d have been far too busy having a shifty round the app store (or ‘liking’ a picture on Facebook showing off the bumper Cratchit family dinner) to have been endlessly bleating about God blessing everyone.

Picture found here (actually making a different point).

(And no, I don’t know why they’re all dressed in blue. Sorry).

Happy Blawgmas

2011-12-24T23:08:00.001Z

It’s a terrible cliché but this Christmas seems to have come around faster than ever.

Things have now wound down at Law Actually HQ and it’s time to enjoy a little festive merriment for the next few days. But who knows: I might get so sick of the excesses of food, wine and all the rest, an impromptu blog post might emerge in the not too distant future.

In the meantime, to all the other blawgers out there, have a good one, and don’t do anything you wake up regretting on Boxing Day.

Christmas-tree-itis

2011-12-20T23:12:00.001Z

From the Telegraph 18/12/11:

The condition – "Christmas Tree Syndrome" – is caused by mould growing on the trees, whose spores lead to problems when breathed in.

It has been discovered by scientists from Upstate Medical University, part of the State University of New York, who carried out research after observing a peak in respiratory illnesses in the weeks either side of December 25.

The team analysed clippings from 28 Christmas trees including needles and bark, from a range of species, and found 53 cases of mould.

Of these, 70 per cent can cause symptoms including itchy noses, watery eyes, coughing, shortness of breath, chest pains, sinus congestion, feelings of fatigue and problems sleeping.

Some of the mould identified can even lead to long term lung problems and conditions such as bronchitis and pneumonia.

The mould occurs on the trees naturally, but thrives in the warm conditions of a well-heated home at Christmas.

So it’s not just that seasonal, alpine aroma that I’ve brought into my home. It’s a mould infestation!!!!

Actually. Wait. Sniff again. Smell that?

Yes, I thought so too. It smells like a product liability claim doesn’t it?
Well, would you Adam-n-Eve it?

And I thought the only risk would be slipping over on a bauble, tripping on a length of tinsel or choking on a chocolate tree decoration.

Perhaps all trees should be ‘sheep dipped’ in an anti mould solution or blasted with the same stuff prior to sale. Or how about wrapping the whole tree in polythene for the duration it’s up in the house? Putting the onus on the poor consumer having to hose it down in the garden once they’ve got it home (as per Dr Kurlandsky’s suggestion) doesn’t seem quite right to me.

We put our own tree up on Saturday at Law Actually HQ. (A real one, obviously). I was surprised that of the multiple tags looped to the trunk, none included some kind of disclaimer (for the non-death or personal injury elements, anyway).

With solicitors, it’s all me, me, me

2011-12-18T23:05:00.001Z

(Ok, maybe that’s a bit harsh. But articles like the one from the LSG below don’t do anything to dispel such impressions).

From the Law Society Gazette 15/12/11:

The legal profession is unprepared for conflicts of interest in personal injury law that will occur from 2012, the Gazette has been told. Such conflicts could leave PI lawyers open to negligence claims and increase professional indemnity insurance premiums.

The problem arises from the willingness of insurers to ‘capture’ both sides of the same claim. Although this is already a feature of the market, it is likely to be exacerbated by the arrival of alternative business structures.

Think of it as a the full meal deal.

Currently, law firms who act for both claimant and defendant clients refer one, or both, clients to other advisers when a direct conflict is identified.

However, the same insurer can have a role on both sides, and so have a role in calculating quantum. If QATs are used with their current ‘calibrations’ unchanged, claimants may settle for undervalued awards, leaving their legal advisers open to professional negligence claims.

Granted, the Law Society Gazette is a practitioner publication so their lawyer centric focus is to be expected. But it’s still interesting that the article leads with the risk and misfortune that might befall solicitors as a result of their clients suffering from deflated awards, rather than the clients themselves. Surely the focus should be on minimising the risk of undervalued awards being made in the first place because of the injustice to clients. The fact that clients might have a cause of action to sue their precious solicitor should be a secondary point. Aren’t clients the most important party here? You haven’t got to look very far through the SRA Code of Conduct 2011 to find plenty of support for that theory.

When Christmas tunes all get a bit much…

2011-12-17T22:01:00.001Z

If you’re starting to find those mercilessly painful Christmas songs played in nearly every shop at the moment are starting to get a bit much, here’s a healthy dose of Kevin (Bloody) Wilson to reset the balance.

Btw, VERY, VERY NSFW!!

A new take on an old classic

Santa’s not going to forget this one in a hurry…

What to get a blogger for Christmas?

2011-12-13T22:17:00.001Z

Choosing Christmas gifts is such a difficult business isn’t it? If you’re stumped as to what you should get the blogger in your life (legally oriented or otherwise), help is at hand.

A new mouse mat - Do people even use mouse mats any longer?
Oh wait - I do!

More readers - Ouch. Don’t rub it in! Blogs are having a tough time of it lately.
Well, some are.

Novelty USB drive - They’re a bit 2005 aren’t they? And they haven’t got a great reputation for reliability or robustness.

A Belkin Cushdesk - these are actually excellent and perfect for the blogger who likes to blog from the boudoir using a laptop. They’re inexpensive, very hard-wearing, ensure the air intake on your laptop doesn’t get blocked and, most importantly, prevents scorching to your upper thighs!

USB toaster - ‘Cause, you know, blogging really gives you an appetite. If only this were a real product. Sigh.

Book: Blogging for dummies – a bit of a no brainer (even if it’s an insult). Still, you can laugh it off later saying it’s one of *those* novelty gifts. But secretly, YOU’LL know you meant it!!

An iPad? Oooh, generous. But don’t be stupid: real bloggers don’t use iPads. ;-)

A guest blog post - Wait, these are gift ideas - not punishments. So please tell all those offering ‘high quality’ guest blog posts that they can stuff them up Rudolph’s ass. (Sorry Rudolph).

Touchscreen gloves Yes, yes, oh fricking YES!! This is EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for! Now I get to keep using my phone AND the use of my fingers on the commute to work in the morning. Why are railway station platforms the chilliest places in the world?

A visual overhaul from a professional web designer - Christmas is as good a time as any to sort that mess out!!

USB computer garland - I might have bought this to Christmas-fy Law Actually HQ, (well, my office, anyway) had it not been for the pretentious macbook used in the demo picture.

A bucket of creative inspiration - you can’t put a price on that.

Cordless mouse – Isn’t it time you embraced a life free from wires? Mind you, when those final couple of readers desert you in the New Year, there’ll be nothing to hang yourself with. Oh wait - you can still use the keyboard wire. Phew!

“ProBlogger: Secrets for Blogging Your Way to a Six-Figure Income” - Christmas is the time for miracles, right? :p
Link to them - Stuff gifts, what every blogger REALLY wants from Santa is google juice. But try putting that in a stocking!

Christmas must be here again…

2011-12-11T20:16:00.001Z

No, not because of that frickin’ coca cola truck. Because of the cheesy Christmas-fied header on Law Actually. I know: I spoil you each year, right?

It’s been a tough year for the more light-hearted ‘studenty’ approach to legal blogging and Law Actually had a massive mid-summer technical meltdown just to compound my misery. From a traffic perspective, I’ve only recently started to fully recover from the effects of ‘the week my blog died’. It’s been a painful year and I’m lucky to have pulled through.

A direct result of that breakdown was a new blog theme which received a bit of a lukewarm reception (from me as well) but I’ve pulled out all the stops and dec’d it up to the rafters.

If only the house were so easy to decorate. Oh well, I’ve still got 2 weeks to sort that out (well, just under). We’ll get there.

Solicitors made a ‘huge contribution’

2011-12-09T21:58:00.001Z

From the Law Society Gazette 06/12/11:

The lord chief justice has thanked defence solicitors for the ‘huge contribution’ made in the summer riot court cases, stressing that they had been included in his earlier praise of the rest of the legal profession.

At his annual press conference at the Royal Courts of Justice, Lord Judge said: ‘I want to record publicly that the defence lawyers made a huge contribution to the efficient running of the courts at that time. I am grateful to them.’

Judge said in his October judgment on riot sentencing he had thanked a lot of people who had helped in the ‘remarkable piece of efficiency’ dealing with the riot cases.

Well, that surely calls for a couple of tins of Quality Street to be sent down to the Law Society this Christmas.

Christmas tunes (for the UK economy)

2011-12-07T23:10:00.001Z

Lawyers generally have a bad reputation for being mean, conniving and downright slippery; as a profession they’re hated the world over.

Still, it seems they’re not a patch on economists. Well, one in particular.

You can find the full list of ‘songs’ here – think of this as just a festive taster!
(Shame there’s nothing on YouTube for Save Our Savers… yet).

Mervyn King Is Coming To Town
(to tune of “Santa Claus is Coming To Town”) [I didn’t see that coming!]

You better be brave
You better not cry
You better not save
I'm telling you why
Mervyn King is coming to town

He's making a list
Checking a lot
He’s gonna find out who's saving or not
Mervyn King is coming to town

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas, can we have one too?
Poor savings we have, thanks to your MPC
We wish you a Merry Christmas, can we have one too?

Oh rid us of high inflation
Oh rid us of high inflation
Oh rid us of high inflation and do it right now

Interest rates
(to tune of “Jingle Bells”) [Fancy that?]

Dashing to the bank
In a chauffeured limousine
Goes Sir Mervyn King
Earning cash obscene
Mulled wine with the Court
Keeping spirits bright
Oh what fun it is to sing
A banker’s song tonight

Interest rates, interest rates
Lower them all the way
Oh what fun it is to squeeze
Savers every day
Interest rates, interest rates
Lower them all the way
Oh what fun it is to squeeze
Savers every day

Ding Dong Merrily on High

Ding dong merrily on high
Sir Mervyn’s plan’s not working
Ding dong! Verily we cry
It’s savers that he’s hurting
Gloria, It’s savers that he’s hurting

Mervyn, The Red-Nosed Banker
(to tune of “Rudolf, the Red-Nosed Reindeer”) [you don’t say…]

Mervyn, the red-nosed banker
Had a very nasty cold
Said he could cut inflation
Wish that we had all bought gold

All of the nation’s savers
Used to cry and call him names
They never let poor Mervyn
Join in any savers’ games

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
“Mervyn with your nose so bright
Won’t you raise your rates tonight?”

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas
Sir Mervyn gave to me:
Twelve months of waffle
Eleven annuities sinking
Ten growth adjustments
Nine MPC doves
Eight banks not lending
Seven economists spouting
Six pounds a-falling
Five per cent inflation
Four broken pensions
Three years of nothing
Two bouts of QE
And no interest on my savings

Secret Santa & Donoghue v Stevenson

2011-12-04T22:07:00.001Z

I had an email from the Carbolic Smoke Ball store a few days ago. What fun!

It ran as follows:

Dear [The Michael]
When I did Articles in a City law firm, there was no such thing as 'Secret Santa'. Secretaries would kick-start the season by pinning sprigs of holly to doorways, but fee-earners never really entered into the festive spirit.

Nowadays, it's different. Fee-earners are encouraged to embrace rituals like 'Secret Santa' because it fosters team spirit. Allegedly. For those of a humbuggish disposition, it can be a trial.

Secret Santa? Pah!!

In my typical Scrooge-esque manner, I’ve opted out of our office’s SS this year. I’ve twice bought a piece of tat to give to a colleague I neither know nor care anything about, only to get an equally meaningless piece of tat back.

I wonder how Oscar Wilde would have viewed Secret Santa? Perhaps that to do it once would be an adventure; to do it twice would be a trifle silly, but to do it three times would be a fricking joke.

Or something like that.

…

p.s. I recently bought a genuine D. Stevenson ginger beer bottle … at auction. One of only two in the world, I'm told. Do you, or does anyone you know, have an interest in starting a museum of unusual legal artifacts, perhaps to go on tour around schools and colleges? So far, the museum's got er ... one old bottle to its name.

Be careful not to take that one down the bottle bank!!

Hmm. I wonder who got *the* bottle. (I probably should read the case again; I haven’t since I was an undergrad in the first year – presumably it was adduced as a piece of real evidence?). Maybe the judge took it home as a candle holder at the end of the trial?

Still, imagine taking that one on the Antiques Roadshow. It’d be bound to get Fiona Bruce’s juices going, I’m sure!

Google Chrome is now 2nd most popular browser

2011-12-03T22:20:00.001Z

From Paul Thurrott’s WinInfo Short Takes of the week 02/12/11:

Google's Chrome has been on the market for only three years, but it has already surpassed Mozilla Firefox to become the number-two most-often-used web browser after Microsoft's Internet Explorer (IE). That's the word from the market researchers at StatCounter, at least, though it's only a matter of time before others who follow web-browser usage share report similar findings[.]

I jumped on the Chrome bandwagon at the end of 2008 and haven’t looked back. In 3 short years it’s got to the point where there are now hardly any people I know that *don’t* use Chrome. It’s the de facto standard browser at work and I live in Chrome every single day.

Firefox has turned into a bit of an also-ran (although they are at least fighting back a bit now) and IE has lurched from versions 7, 8 to 9, all promising the world and under-delivering each time.

It’s been a long-standing joke that Internet Explorer is simply a one-time portal for users to download a real web browser. That’s still true today, sadly, as How to Geek cheekily alludes to:

IE 9 is fine; it just isn’t anywhere near as great as Google Chrome. And that’s the problem.

Dancing in Court

2011-11-30T22:24:00.001Z

From BBC News 24/11/11:

A man who posted video on the internet of his stepmother dancing on seats in the lobby of a court in Cornwall has apologised to a judge.

Shane Curnow, 24, from Stithians, faced contempt of court proceedings after taking the footage in Truro Crown Court and posting it on Facebook.

Good ol’ Stithians. There’s a steam rally held out there if I recall correctly. (As a child, I remember being dragged around there once by relatives and it was rather like pulling teeth. The noise, smell and utter drudgery of a steam rally is hard to beat).

Mr Curnow's lawyer told a judge that his client believed filming bans only applied to courtrooms, not buildings.

Mistake of law, never a defence, sadly. Darn it. Still, worth running up the judge’s flagpole in mitigation I suppose. (No, that’s not a euphemism).

Mr Curnow said he was very sorry. The judge accepted his apology.

Well, shiver m’ timbers and bless his heart: he’s very sorry. That’s all right then. (And I love the Cornish-ed up surname by the way – you can’t get much more Kernow than Curnow. Write that down if you want: it’s an original thought.

Mr Curnow filmed his stepmother on his mobile phone while he was supporting her and his father when they were making a court appearance.

After recording the footage in September, he posted it on Facebook, calling it "Bored at court".

The use of cameras in court buildings is currently banned by the 1925 Criminal Justice Act.

Staff were made aware of the footage in October, and Judge Barry Cotter QC ordered Mr Curnow to face contempt of court proceedings.

Joss Ticehurst, representing Mr Curnow, of Collins Park, Stithians, said his client filmed his stepmother because "he felt that she looked ridiculous" and he had uploaded it on to the internet "as a means of showing her how stupid she looked".

Sounds like the usual stepmother-stepson relationship then.

More to the point, what the heck was the stepmother doing prancing around like an demented Ginger Rogers in a court building? It’s kind of one of the rules that you aren’t allowed to dick around in the Crown Court. I wonder if security guards rugby-tackled her to the ground. Ooh – I hope excessive force wasn’t used!! ;-)

Mr Curnow's father and stepmother were not identified in court and their reason for being there originally was not said.

Grin.

It just wasn’t top of mind

2011-11-28T21:50:00.001Z

From Roll on Friday 25/11/11:

A firm that specialised in repossessing homes has gone bust following the publication of a leaked set of photos showing staff celebrating Halloween by dressing up as homeless people. Classy.

Steven J. Baum, a New York State firm which represented mortgage lenders against homeowners, is set to close down leaving its 89 staff jobless, according to a New York Times report. The firm found itself embroiled in controversy after photos of staff dressing up as homeless people were plastered all over the web, complete with signs mocking the excuses of desperate homeowners.

Every lawyer’s entitled to let their hair down occasionally (even those who are ‘a bit thin on top’ – law tends to do that to people) but there are limits as to what taste, decorum and decency should permit. And that’s before we get into professional conduct regulations – yes, whatever the hell they are.

It just goes to show that even property lawyers aren’t above making the odd error of judgement (why is it that phrase always reminds me of Bill Clinton’s shenanigans?). Oh, don’t worry – I just remembered.

But really, at what point does your average fee earner think that going out to get hammered at an office ‘partay’ mockingly dressed as evictees of houses you’re helping to repossess is a good idea? Surely the ‘if it feels wrong’ rule of thumb test for professional conduct would have saved them here – if only they’d stopped to ask.

But work nights out, being what they are, it’s all too easy to get swept along in the madness of the moment. To quote James Murdoch, I’m sure it simply wasn’t “top of mind”. But they’re certainly paying the price for it now.

Still, a lawyer with a sense of humour can always find a position with another firm, right?

Black (pepper) Friday

2011-11-27T22:20:00.001Z

From CBS News.com 25/11/11:

A woman shot pepper spray to keep shoppers from merchandise she wanted during a Black Friday sale, and 20 people suffered minor injuries, authorities said.

The incident occurred shortly after 10:20 p.m. Thursday in a crowded Los Angeles-area Walmart as shoppers hungry for deals were let inside the store.
Police said the suspect shot the pepper spray when the coverings over the items she wanted were removed.

"Somehow she was trying to use it to gain an upper hand," police Lt. Abel Parga told The Associated Press early Friday.

Holy Cripes. That’s what I call an unfair advantage. And for stores that complain about ‘challenging trading conditions’ and just how intense the competition is, they should try being a shopper!

He said she was apparently after some electronics and used the pepper spray to keep other shoppers at bay.

Officials said 20 people suffered minor injuries. Fire department spokesman Shawn Lenske said the injuries to least 10 of them were due to "rapid crowd movement."

Ah – so that’s what a stampede is euphemistically called now.

Parga said police were still looking for the woman.

The store remained open and those not affected by the pepper spray continued shopping.

Well, let’s just hope that they managed to pick up a bargain or two after all. I also hope PC Plod caught up with her (she’s sure to have been captured on CCTV if she was anywhere near an electronics cabinet). And America being America, it wouldn’t surprise me if a few of the disgruntled shoppers were in a litigious mood! Roll on the lawsuits, I say.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve done it?

2011-11-21T23:45:00.001Z

So where do you routinely do it?

Perhaps more to the point, where’s the craziest, wackiest, zaniest place you’ve done it in the past?

Don’t worry – I’m talking about blogging here. (Obviously!)

Most blawggers who know me won’t be surprised that I haven’t strayed too far from the straight and narrow of blogging from a computer whilst sat at a desk. Sigh.

But I’m not opposed to giving it bash in another room: I’ve done it the garden, in bed, the sofa and whilst sat on the stairs. I’ve also blogged from university computer rooms, various foreign countries, hotel rooms (it left me with a rather cheap, dirty and unfulfilled feeling), and even fiddled with the template code on Law Actually whilst held up in an airport lounge. Perhaps most bravely of all, I’ve been daring enough to crack my laptop open whilst being thrown about a train carriage like a rag doll; how anybody can work productively on a train is utterly beyond me!

The bedroom is an obvious place to blog from and I’ve seen a number of bloggers comment from time to time that they’re doing a ‘duvet post’. I’ve never found tapping away on a laptop in bed that comfortable really but I still do it occasionally. My GF used to get a little narky when I was ‘blogging from the boudoir’ but in my defence, she was equally engrossed in the TV. From experience, it’s tough to strike a creative note when your ‘significant other’ is glaring daggers at you (or serving up a generous portion of the cold shoulder speciality – women seem to have this down to a fine art!!). Ahem.

So whilst I’m a boring, play-it-straight kind of chap, the simple truth is that I’m more productive sat at my desk (and I can think more clearly when quiet surrounds me - hence my hatred of open-plan offices). My tendency to throw up a graphic with blog posts means I don’t like to be more than 10 paces from Photoshop. This probably also explains why I downloaded the blogger app for my HTC Desire and have never used it.

So where do you blog from? And where are you most creative / productive? Do you have to do it from a computer – 20th century style - or are you part of the iPad-wielding new skool of blawgsters who will happily update their blog whilst hanging upside down from a curtain pole or something crazy like that?

Either way, I’d like to hear about it.

Family lawyers are the most depressed, miserable, (and busy)

2011-11-18T00:05:00.001Z

Nope, not according to some poll organised by the Law Society, the Solicitors Journal or whatever other body or publication that’s flavour of the month.

... according to my optician!!!

Well, he should know, shouldn’t he?

(And just to confirm, I think he meant that comment in relation to lawyers generally rather than everyone he encounters). Still, it’s not impossible I suppose…

Yep, it seems you can get a whole lot more from a contact lens check-up these days.

Fancy.

Bonfire Night Edition

2011-11-06T23:24:00.001Z

Guy Fawkes Night came early at Law Actually HQ this year. (And yes, I have jokingly referred to our house as that – (my gf just about tolerates my blogging whims as she might those of a small toddler).

We’re rather conveniently located at the rear edge of the campus of one of the UK’s (and I quote) “leading provider[s] of financial products and services”.Despite the gloomy economic climate and the financial services industry forever teetering on the brink, this specific provider festively opted to put on a bumper fireworks display on Thursday evening.

They even had the courtesy to come around earlier in the week to stuff a letter in the mailbox of their ‘neighbours’ saying all hell would be breaking loose in the sky from 7.00pm onwards, so we should lock up our pets and children, pop on our safety glasses & ear defenders and suggested that anyone of a nervous disposition should hide under the duvet until the display was over.

As fireworks go, they were pretty darn good and we got a front row seat. Watching the display from our upstairs window might have deprived us of the seasonal atmosphere but it certainly kept my tootsies warmer!!

Sinful Computer Keys

2011-11-02T22:42:00.001Z

First there were the deadly sins, then….

Well, it kind of works, doesn’t it?

I’m not sure about the 'escape = sloth’ bit, and I’d have said that Control + T in a browser is more apt for gluttony. (I’m am absolute glutton for tabs when I’m browsing).

Control + S is more reflective of obsessive compulsive disorder rather than pride, surely?

Control + C should should be cheat and Control + X should be home wrecker (or something like that…)

They all count as sins, right?

Found here.

Legal Brand Names

2011-11-01T23:15:00.001Z

… aren’t worth much it seems.

From the Solicitors Journal 17/10/11:

Brands in the legal services market suffer from poor consumer awareness, with nearly half of consumers relying on personal contacts when choosing a provider, a survey has revealed.

When choosing a law firm, 44 per cent said they would ask friends for a recommendation while a further 16 per cent said they would ask professionals they already knew, such as estate agents or accountants.

The most important factor for consumers when making decisions was whether the firm had been recommended by a friend and the total cost to them. Only 15 per cent regarded a ‘trusted brand name’ as the most important factor.

Most of this isn’t at all surprising. Surely the criteria reflect what every client wants from their solicitor: someone well-recommended, trusted, competent and cheap (preferably charging fixed fees).

Hmm – good luck with that one!

So I’m not at all surprised that so many people choose a lawyer through reputation and word of mouth, but I am slightly surprised that the weight attached to a established and trusted legal firm name was so insignificant.

Heck, maybe there is hope for Quality Solicitors after all then!

Trick or Treating - 21st Century Style...

2011-10-30T23:13:00.001Z

Halloween is a scary, dangerous time. Just making a Jack O’ Lantern gets me all of a quiver, what with the presence of raw vegetables, sharp knives and a lighted candle.

As well as the possibility of having Michael Myers lurking around the next corner, there are hazards to be found (and injuries avoided) with even the most innocuous of trick or treating adventure. Still, whilst I’m all for a safety first approach, it can be overdone.

From isurfhopkins.com:

Dressing up and trick-or-treating is a treasured part of childhood. To keep the evening’s fun meter on high, the Center for Disease Control and other health and safety groups advise:

Allowing children to go out during daylight hours only, unless accompanied by a responsible adult.

But it gets dark early at this time of year. And trick or treating at 3 in the afternoon just isn’t the same. Still, you could always give the kids dark glasses to give the impression of night.

Never allowing small children to go out alone on Halloween. Make sure an older sibling or adult is with them.

Why let them go out at all? Bad things happen out of doors & it’s far safer to leave them locked up in the attic. If you have to let kids go trick or treating, it should be carried out via Skype only!!

Planning a safe route and knowing where your older children are at all times. Set a time for their return home.

I’d suggest having them on a bungee cord – you can yank them back at the appropriate time then.

Instructing them to stop only at familiar houses in your own neighborhood unless you or another responsible adult is with them.

(In which case, go ape sh*t).

Instructing them not to eat any treats until they bring them home to be examined.

All treats should be forensically examined before being consumed. DNA data (for the purposes of elimination – and incriminating potential suspects - having been collected from ‘treaters’ in advance.

Instructing them not to go into the home of a stranger or get into anyone’s car.

Where’s the rape alarm, mace spray and Nunchaku?

Making sure the trick-or-treaters carry a flashlight, glow stick or have reflective tape on their costumes so they are more visible to cars.

I’d dunk my child in day-glo paint.

Letting them know that they should stay together as a group if they go trick-or-treating without an adult.

Yep – no loners at Halloween. It’s scary out there!!

Payment Protection… lost in translation

2011-10-27T22:54:00.001+01:00

This brarmer (minus the pink text – I couldn’t help myself… sorry) plopped into my inbox a while back. I really didn’t expect something as raunchy from PayPal; since when did they get so smutty?

What’ve the smooching couple got to do with PayPal offering payment protection when one of your online purchases goes t*ts-up?

No, I don’t know either.

Anyway, good luck to the chap. Now he’s bought his lady friend a necklace (which benefited from the payment protection thingy) I just hope she ‘puts out’.

Judging from the picture, I don’t think he’s got any worries in that department.

I just hope one of them has thought ahead. I don’t think PayPal’s ‘protection’ stretches that far.

(See, PayPal shouldn't be forcing me to go down these mental side roads).

Life as a modern law student - a few thoughts

2011-10-25T22:50:00.001+01:00

On the back of my half-hearted ‘back to school’ series, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about just what an awful time it is to be a law student (or any kind of student for that matter). Not to put anybody off, of course, ~~(but seriously - think carefully).~~

Let’s face it: graduate jobs of any description are hard enough to come by right now. I know a couple of people who are/were tackling the LPC part time and have put it on hold half way through because they’re so fearful of ploughing in the rest of the fees and then coming out the other side with a useless diploma and no chance of a training contract.

Understandably, there is a lot of concern that many would-be students are taking the attitude that going to university is simply not worth the expense, hassle and stress.

The Law Gazette report this:

The biggest fall in university applications in more than 30 years has seen the number of candidates applying to study law drop by a record 5.2%, according to figures released by the Universities and Colleges Admissions Service.

Last year 13,858 people applied to study law at 26 universities that supplied figures to UCAS, but this year the number applying to start their course in autumn 2012 fell to 13,139.

Things aren’t even looking good for graduate recruitment schemes at the moment. A few years ago, graduate training schemes were all the rage for students with almost any degree. What a difference 2 or 3 years make. Your average graduate is now more likely to get a bucketful of smelly stuff from a rocking horse than get accepted onto one of those programs.

Not long ago, a law degree was meant to be one of the more useful and versatile degrees out there, and one that would stand you in good stead for a wide range of graduate careers. I’m not sure that holds true right now.

Other ‘friends of friends’ are considering jumping ship, all of whom are at various stages of their legal education. Right on cue, I’ve been fascinated to read about US blawgger Katie Luper who recently finished law school and jumped straight on an engineering course. Kudos to her for that. I don’t think many law graduates would have the guts to do that. I know I wouldn’t.

So all in all, it’s an uncertain, scary time, folks. But if you’re a prospective uni student with absolutely no idea which path to take, do the responsible thing: flip a coin and let fate decide.

You’ll thank me for it.

Solicitor ‘Glamour’ – Real & Virtual

2011-10-23T22:41:00.001+01:00

I know, I know. Just as you thought Roll on Friday couldn’t sink any lower, they bring out this brarmer.

Virtual lawyers, law firms ‘in the cloud’ and holographic lawsuits all seem a bit 2008 these days. I remember Pinsent Masons established a virtual office in Second Life a few years ago for any potential clients who fancied bringing a claim way out there in the ether. They swiftly wound it up, however, after realising it wasn’t doing them an ounce of good and was possibly contraindicated in raising their profile in a meaningful way.

Still, the prospect of instructing a virtual lawyer still hits the spot according to this poll; nearly 75% of voters (whoever they are) would prefer lawyer Steven Wu in his virtual, ‘aspirational’ form than his natural self.

That’s disturbing.

So maybe there is hope for virtual law firms after all – (particularly if the fee earners consist of a tasty bunch of butch and buxom pieces of eye-candy with omnipotent legal brains).

A sting in the tail

2011-10-20T23:01:00.001+01:00

Over the weekend, we discovered a wasp nest up in the soffit box at the front of the house. By the length of the wispy bits of wasp nest poking out under the grill in the soffit, it had been up there for a couple of years at least. We only moved here in May and hadn’t noticed a thing all summer.

Being the wimpish sort, I got an exterminator in. He duly turned up Tuesday morning and had already spotted the offending nest before I told him where it was. He seemed quite excited at the prospect of blasting the suckers with pesticide.

Being a chilly kind of morning (and me supposedly working from home), while he fiddled about preparing his pole and nozzle (ahem), I went back into the house to get on with some work.

A while later I heard some exciting knocking at the front door. When I got down there, he was standing by his van beckoning me to come out (but to run). Feeling rather perturbed and wondering if the roof was about to come in, I sprinted across the front lawn and stood by his van. “Look at that”, he said, pointing. The front corner of the house was covered in a brownish cloud of swarming, angry wasps.

He warned me that the wasps would start falling from the sky soon. I put that down as typical pest-exterminator-hyperbole (you know how it is...) but when I left for work around noon, the drive was covered with a carpet of dead wasps.

I passed the postman on the way who was rubbing the back of his neck moaning that something can stung him further down the cul-de-sac.

Well I never … I wonder what that could have been. He said he was going to sue someone’s ass for it. Hmm - good luck with that one.

There’s never a personal injury solicitor about when you need one, is there?

Do you worry about your performance as a blogger?

2011-10-19T22:18:00.001+01:00

There was an Interesting debate on Windows Weekly a few weeks ago in which Leo Laporte, Paul Thurrott and Mary-Jo Foley briefly touched upon what it means to be a blogger. (Oh, and is it just me, or is Windows Weekly just not the same now?)

Anyhow, according to Leo, blogging is an obsession - and not always a healthy one. Speaking for myself, I don’t know whether ‘obsession’ is the right word, but it’s certainly a labour of love.

I think it’s important not to hang on too tightly. I’ve always made a point of only blogging when I feel like it. If blogging becomes a chore, what’s the point?

According to Leo, any self-respecting blogger sweats over their posts, is surgically attached to their computer keyboard, and dwells over what they have written (to the point of getting up in the middle of the night to correct an erroneous post). Casting a quick glance around the UK blawgosphere (which is starting to look a bit frayed around the edges – let’s be honest), I can’t see many of us doing that.

But it does beg the question: do you worry about your performance as a blogger? Do you start getting the willies if your blog traffic starts to fall?

Speed reading Ts&Cs

2011-10-17T22:49:00.001+01:00

Lawyers are always reckoned to be the guiltiest when it comes to failing to read terms and conditions properly (outside the course of work, that is!!)

So you’re not alone in happily planting a tick in the ‘yep I’ve read and digested each of the terms’ box before ordering something online – (when, in fact, you’ve done no such thing).

Ahem.

So far as the least-read documents on earth are concerned, I think EULAs just edge out the terms of most online stores. And what’s the harm, scooting down to the bottom and emphatically whacking the ‘I Accept’ radio button when you’re installing something? After all, Microsoft haven’t come over and sued your sweet merry ass yet, right?

Better watch it though: you might just be caught out.

Nah… Redmond wouldn’t have the sense of humour for that!

Found here.

Karaoke… for lawyers

2011-10-16T23:04:00.001+01:00

Lawyers aren’t particularly renowned for letting their hair down, so what better way to help them unwind than with free-flowing tequila, a stage and a good ol’ karaoke machine.

Professional etiquette might prohibit traipsing over to the entertainment hall at Butlins and getting down and dirty with a Britney Spears rendition but even personal injury lawyers have to cut loose occasionally. They can’t spend all their time ambulance chasing.

So, in a first of its kind ‘Karaoke for Lawyers’ (sponsored by Law Actually - of course) is coming to a bar near you. Here are some of the songs currently available.

“Pink - just like APIL” - inspired by a search term from one of my wacky readers...

Elvis Presley - “law me tender” - an obvious choice, but we’ve just gotta have a bit of Elvis.

“ABBA - money, money, money” - again, horribly obvious but hey-ho. All lawyers have a reputation (rightly or wrongly) for being evil, money-grabbing bast*rds. Why not play to it? Literally.

“Law Shine alight” - to bring back that warm fuzzy (and slightly cringe-worthy feeling) that came with winning Eurovision in ‘97).

Fatboy Slim - “I left my briefcase in el segundo” (we’ve all been there after all..)

All suggestions welcome. (Btw, I’d love a Britney Spears number if anyone can think of a ‘legalised’ song title).

Please note: accomplished vocalists need not apply... we kind of want that ‘strangling a cat’ sound.

Pet Peeves

2011-10-13T23:35:00.001+01:00

Come on - admit it: we all have them. Some of us just seem to have more than others. Here are 5 I’m currently struggling along with. There are lots more, believe me.

The flailing arms of ‘large’ pedestrians when they’re walking out and about and any other pavement hoggers or those wandering aimlessly talking on their phones. Seriously, talk about asking for what you get...
I’m something of a passive aggressive pedestrian and I’ll happily ‘pull a manoeuvre’ on you - Michael Schumacher style.
People who bring their bikes on a train (or anywhere in a railway station). YOU people….!!!
Email - yeah, (as I’ve already admitted .. I can’t cope with it.) But I think I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact I can’t cope. So at least I can say I’m coping with not coping. Which is an improvement.
Phones vibrating on desks. Heck, my blood pressure’s up just thinking about it.
Name shortening - particularly mine. I don’t really like my name (who does?), but I can tolerate it providing it’s not shortened to ‘Mike’. Seriously, if there’s one way to royally p*ss me off, that’s it.

I know - grumpy aren’t I? But it doesn’t make me any less grumpy when the fact is pointed out.

Bare assed law

2011-10-12T21:54:00.001+01:00

From Roll on Friday 07/10/11:

The clients of a legal aid lawyer have recreated a John Lennon and Yoko Ono magazine cover to support her fight to keep her practice.

Yvonne Hossack has dedicated her legal career to helping vulnerable people and, in particular, is known for her work on behalf of care home residents facing eviction. She's acted for over 2,000 clients, saved care homes from closure and taken cases to Strasbourg.

But it's not been an easy ride: her firm has lost over £100,000 in the last year and she's been fighting a battle against the Legal Services Commission which refused Hossack's application for a legal aid contract (citing incorrectly filled out forms).

Down with those bureaucrats, I say!

Therefore former clients Roger Kinsey, 66, and his wife Chris, 58 …have decided to draw some attention to her plight by recreating Lennon and Ono's 1968 Rolling Stone cover.

Explaining their decision to get their kit off to the Northamptonshire Evening Telegraph the couple said "we were young and full of hope for the future when this magazine cover was released and now....we are saddened that vulnerable people are facing huge cuts in services."

Christ! Aren’t we all! But good on the Kinseys for doing something.

I’m all for taking your clothes off in the name of the law - particularly for a cause as worthy legal aid. In fact, I’m thinking of holding a demonstration of my own.

But please, let’s not have any, ‘the law is an ass’ jokes. I’m trying desperately to raise the tone at Law Actually after all.

Money saving tips for law students

2011-10-09T23:05:00.001+01:00

Continuing my ‘back to school’ series for law students, next up is saving money and general thriftiness. Now freshers week is a distant memory, it might be time for a bit of common sense and sound judgement when it comes to finances..

I admit it’s a bit of a quirky list, but it should prove a useful starter for ten for any law student.

Budgeting: if you’re concerned about your willpower and general prudence with suddenly having so much money, create a separate bank account for the first term taking just under a third out. Go mental with it and enjoy yourself. Then grow the hell up.
Don't bother with expensive screen wipes for your laptop. Instead, keep the free ‘freshen up’ wipes you get given when ordering a KFC and use those instead.
Buying the previous edition of textbooks second hand is a false economy. The hassle of having to update them / always wondering whether the content deals with the most recent law means it’s worth paying more for the convenience.
If you get a part time job, make sure the emphasis is on the ‘part’. Anything more than 12 hours a week is silly - unless you’re planning on aiming for a ‘desmond’ 2:2 … or worse...? Your call, partner. ;-)
Don’t buy your textbooks all in one go. You'll over-purchase and regret it.
Thinking of adding a legal dictionary to your shopping list? Seriously, don't bother.
If you’re in rented accommodation avoid putting the heating on. Instead, call your partner around for a bit of 'afternoon delight' - the thrifty way of warming up. If in halls of residence, however, get every damn penny out of them you can. A free ‘n’ easy approach is recommended re. lights and heating and, as far as water is concerned, consider opening a bottled water business - Delboy style.
Finally (and this is a personal favourite of mine), always nick the vacuum cleaner for the block, keep it in your room for the term before returning it. An alternative might be pawning it on the final day.
Bum as many free meals as possible.
And talking of bums, don’t bother buying toilet rolls. Your university have plenty. Make sure you stock up whenever nature calls on campus.
Always down the union? Don't - corridor parties are far cheaper.
Cold feet? Fashion your partner’s underwear into thongs, saving the material as insoles for your shoes in the winter. See - everyone’s a winner! ;-)

What is it with law and portals?

2011-10-06T22:34:00.001+01:00

From the Lawyer 19/09/11:

Lawyers were told earlier this year that to stay on the roll they would need to register between 30 August and 14 October - only then could they submit their applications before the deadline of 8 November.

Complaints were made after the site’s launch was delayed by several days and passwords were rejected.

“It took me 10 days to register,” one lawyer said. “It was a long process and the system just kept coming up with complete gibberish messages. I called the SRA twice and they couldn’t help - they said the deadline wouldn’t be extended.

“The problem is that everyone will leave it until the last minute and then there’ll be a deluge and it will go into meltdown.”

An SRA spokesman said that so far 25,000 solicitors out of 165,000 had registered online and activations have risen to 3,000 per day.

“Implementing [the] mySRA [system] signals a step change in the way regulated individuals and firms will access our services in future,” said the spokesman. “We’d like to apologise to anyone who has experienced difficulties trying to log on to mySRA. Despite extensive testing prior to launch, there have been some initial problems.

Two things immediately strike me from this.

Firstly, mySRA is a horrible name and is worrying close to the killer hospital bug MRSA. Given the atrocity of MySRA that solicitors up and down the country have had to suffer through, I think the name is scarily apt.

Secondly, why is it any portal concerning law or anything legally related turns into a disaster.

Early attempts at the Land Registry portal anyone? And how about the Pupillage Portal for crying out loud. Now MySRA.

Holy Cripes!

That’s… an interesting approach

2011-10-03T22:18:00.001+01:00

If you find the average EULA (End User Licence Agreement) a touch trying for its verbosity, awkwardness and generally unappealing nature, how does the above grab ya?

The lawyer in me is screaming in pain at this. The free-radical hippie undercurrent(that’s probably more under than current) is whooping for joy.

Found here.

Welcome to Goldeneye Law…

2011-09-29T23:08:00.001+01:00

Fom ISP Preview 28/09/11:

Golden Eye International, a law firm that claims to hold numerous film copyrights and is linked with the Ben Dover porn brand in the UK [yep – of ‘fancy an Indian’ fame - ahem], has attempted to sue three broadband ISP customers for "illegal" internet copyright infringement (piracy) after at least one of the accused failed to respond when a letter arrived demanding a payment of £700 (i.e. "speculative invoicing") to settle the dispute.

I think those “air quotes” were more apt than the author thought. I love it how many niche journalists who should know better get in a pickle over illegality and unlawfulness.

But ok, we all get it: these actions are too silly for words.

Boob number two, though - Golden Eye International don’t seem to be a law firm per se. They kind of position themselves as the A-team of the IP world, flying hither and thither jumping in with their size tens where there’s a sniff of IP infringement and often when there isn’t.

Actually, they’ve instructed Tilly Bailey & Irvine to act for them in this case.

Surely it was self-evident. I know the credibility of the profession is in relative tatters out there, but really - ‘Golden Eye Law’? Don’t tell me – the list of senior partners includes Pussy Galore* and Auric Goldfinger?

* I assume that’s not PC any longer and we have to substitute her name with that of Alota Fagina.

Studying Law – Intentions versus Reality

2011-09-26T22:34:00.001+01:00

It’s back to school time, kids - law school style. For the countless students out there, it’s time to dust off your textbooks, dig out your laptop and get your sweet little cheeks down to your university’s campus for enrolment.

For newbie students, or seasoned pros who should know better, here’s the Law Actually run down on typical law student kit, what it should be used for, and what you’ll probably end up doing with it.

Item	What you’re meant to do	What you actually do
Textbooks	Read them and, you know, learn about some lawwy type stuff.	Use them as expensive doors stops, or stack them up as a bedside table.
Casebooks	Read the relevant bits of jurisprudence to save you dragging your sorry ass down to the law library to read the full case (you know… like you were meant to)	Doorstop, thick coaster or propping up that dodgy shelf.
Laptop	Type up all of those first class scholarly papers.	Surfing porn, f***book and twitter, and researching whether you’ve picked up an STD as a fresher.
Legal Dictionary	Remind yourself of those legal terms and bits of Latin which you really should remember	Provide an ideal environment for dust bunnies to thrive.
Study Guide	Use it as a pathfinder to help ease your way into a subject, or whilst outlining revision notes.	Crack it open in sheer desperation when you realise your 3000 word paper is due in in 4 hours’ time and you haven’t got the foggiest.
That money your parents gave you	Spend it wisely and carefully on essentials	Blow it down the student union on your first night there!
That credit card you took out for emergencies	The clue’s in the name – though it should have come stamped with ‘for emergency use only’.	Give in to temptation and buy that Xbox 360, Kinect, widescreen plasma TV... hot tub?
Study session in the library	Researching / writing / slowly returning to life having snuck out of the early lecture after nearly pickling your brain the night before down ‘the union’.	Ogling the tastier members of your class / chatting with buddies
Printer	Printing out those scholarly papers.	Print out those embarrassing pictures of that night you got really wasted so you can pin it up on your dorm room wall. Better be quick, before the ink dries up in the cartridges!!

Crazy search terms strike again

2011-09-22T22:51:00.001+01:00

It’s been ages since I’ve done one of these posts, and I’ve got some brarmers in store!

“how fast can graduates go on the dole” – and who said ambition was dead?

“law actually blo” - I don’t think I’m comfortable with it being referred to as a ‘blo’. It makes me feel kind of cheap.

“stinky line of people” – just head down to your nearest railway station.

“baywatch shauni monobrow” - I’m glad I'm not the only one who noticed it.

“court stenographer+darts” – What’s this – some kind of party game for law students where you draw straws for being the dart board?

“pupillage HOW TO CHEAT” – wow... you can really sense the desperation there.

“i am doing llb law at bpp in Manchester” – good for you.

“brothels in looe” - People come to Cornwall for all kinds of reasons - brothels shouldn’t be one of them!!

“seat belt law cpntributory negligence” - everything that’s wrong with the world... when it’s easier to leave typo and let google make thoughtful suggestions as to what it thinks you meant...

“is it illegal for insurance firms to look at your facebook” - nope.. and it’s too late to delete your ‘crash for cash’ boasts to your friends.

“human rights act family life ivf” - oh do you yourself (and the rest of us) a favour and don’t bother. We’ve a large enough population on our hands and if you can’t have them naturally, maybe you weren’t meant to.

“wins solciters calculater” - asked the dyslexic to Google

“get real pupillage” - ah an interesting play on words…

“can you miss classes on bpp fast track lpc” - what the frick do you think? the words ‘fast track’ and ‘lpc’ should tell you all you need to know.

“most commonest bird in road accident” - a drunk one.

“what can you do with solicitors that have been posted on the solicitors from hell web site” - you can pay Rick Kordowski some money so he removes it (or is he too busy dealing with litigation being brought against him now?)

“pupillage applications tiring” – Diddums.

“can you charge someone with murder with no head uk” - Well, think about it… who would the officer charging the defendant address when he’s reading the criminal charges? I guess he could talk to their shoulders... ;-) (Or check this).

Tourist offended by fish in harbour

2011-09-21T22:58:00.001+01:00

From The Telegraph 05/09/11:

[W]hen David Copp came across a fishing trawler moored in Ilfracombe Harbour he took great offence and complained about the “disgusting” smell.

The 46-year-old was outraged that his children, aged seven and nine, had been forced to endure the sight of 12 crates of dead fish and crabs, piled up on the quayside.

Poor little bast*rds. I don’t know how they coped.

He said the ordeal had left them “quite distressed” and demanded to know why the harbourmaster was not more considerate to tourists.
“It’s not the sort of thing you want to see on holiday, there was a real stench.

“My children were quite distressed by it. These people should be a bit more considerate to the holidaymakers."

Bless.

Copp called Ilfracombe harbourmaster Rob Lawson to complain about the smell that had emanated from The Lady of Lundy trawler before calling the North Devon Journal to air his woes.

[Lawson said] "I told this chap that you shouldn't take your children to a harbour if that is how they react to dead fish."

Good answer – I like it.

Copp is understood to have been on a two-week family holiday ... when he lodged his complaint, which attracted disbelief from locals.

One said: “Ridiculous. Does he think all his food comes in packets? What did he expect to see at a working harbour?”

I grew up in a Cornish fishing village so can sympathise – with the locals I mean, not with Davey Copp and his oversensitive sense of smell. Tourists should enjoy the fact they can wander around working harbours, savouring the sights, smells and atmosphere. Whilst fishy harbours might be a tad pongy to some, speaking from experience, I think tourists themselves emit far worse smells when they’re out and about.

The truth is, the greatest danger from working harbours come from being pasty-raped by a seagull, overcome by diesel fumes from the fishing boats, fork-lift trucks running your over on the quay (once, in my home village, passing just a metre or so from me carrying a naval contact mine which a trawler had inadvertently dredged up**) or your toddler taking an unexpected dip into the harbour.

Strong smelling fish are a feature – not a problem.

But surely the local council or harbour authority could have done something to help ol’ Davey out?

Maybe they could have offered him a clothes-peg to be clipped on the end of his nose for use when walking around the quay. And as for his children finding the smell egregious, well, maybe his wife should have clothes-pegged the end of his penis years previously. That would’ve solved the problem.

**Long story – I was angling as a child in the mid nineties (as you do) and was most aggrieved to be forced to evacuate the quay pending the bomb disposal squad’s arrival. Everyone feared it was a live WWII mine. But they needn’t have worried. The presence of the words ‘sand filled dummy’ on the side of the mine’s casing was a dead giveaway. Shame it took the navy divers nearly 90 minutes to figure that out – utterly wrecked my fishing session.

Back to the grind…

2011-09-19T23:27:00.001+01:00

Returning to work from a week or so off is always a tough one but my recent (and first) ‘staycation’ was great.

I’d never holidayed in the UK before and was bit sceptical prior to leaving, but I have to admit, it was a raging success. Plenty of fresh, northern air, vibrant culture, unhealthy food and lots of downtime was just what the doctor ordered.

Now he just needs to unclog my arteries.

We were moving around a bit and I had toyed with the idea of doing ‘blawging roadtrip’ – Law Actually style. Despite that prospect going down like a cup of cold sick with my gf, when it actually came to it, I simply couldn’t be bothered and was glad of the break. Maybe I’m not into blogging as much as I thought!

Although I tethered my smartphone to my laptop whilst we were away, I’ve not been online an awful lot. The result:

Google reader is clogged up to hell (it’s given up and just said ‘1000+’ unread feeds)… I’ve have to resort to doing batches of ‘mark all as read’.
Inbox is full of sh*t (nothing new there then) and my work emails already have me on the cusp of a series of panic attacks.
World events seem to have passed me by entirely… what’s all this about a campsite?

GF and I had a serious talk on the way back on Friday night whilst she was ~~bombing down the motorway being a middle lane hog as usual~~ driving absolutely at the legal speed and in full compliance with every aspect of the Highway Code about managing my ‘work-life balance’. My phrase – not hers. I don’t think she’s happy.

But all’s well that ends well hopefully.

Still, the blawgosphere seems to have ticked over nicely.

Missed me?
Nah - thought not.

Top three discrimination claims at Employment Tribunals

2011-09-15T20:57:00.001+01:00

Sponsored Post:

Statistics from the Employment Tribunal Services have revealed the top three discrimination claims in terms of the average compensation payouts awarded in 2010/11.

The discrimination claim with the highest average payout was age discrimination with a staggering £30,289. This average has risen from £10,931 in 2009/10, quite a significant leap. In addition, the number of age discrimination claims accepted by Tribunals rose by nearly a third to 6,800.

This may have to do with the number of high profile age discrimination claims in the media prompting those with complaints to contact an employment law solicitor. For example, the case of BBC presenter Miriam O’Reilly, who successfully claimed age discrimination against the broadcaster when they fired her from Countryfile.

The rising figure may also reflect the additional protections given to employees in relation to age discrimination in the Equality Act 2010. Although age was protected under employment law prior to 2010, the new Act expanded that protection to include harassment from a third party who is not employed by the employer, and discrimination by association – when a person is discriminated against because they are associated with a person who is protected by the Act.

The second highest average payout was received by claimants with disability discrimination claims. The average payout for 2010/11 was £14,137, quite a difference from the average payout for an age discrimination claim. In fact, the average payout for disability claims fell by a third from the previous year.

46% of disability discrimination claims were settled by the Acas conciliation service, which could explain the decrease in the average Tribunal payout if the higher payouts for disability discrimination were made during this process instead.

Employment solicitors may recommend Acas conciliation before making a claim to a Tribunal, as it can help to resolve a matter more quickly.

The third highest average payout was for sexual discrimination claims. Despite having the highest number of claims accepted by Employment Tribunals (18,300), the average payout was £13,911.

The highest payout in 2010/11 for a sexual harassment claim was for a whopping £289,167; however, 97% of the payouts were under £50,000, which lowered the average.

Interestingly, almost half (49%) of all sexual harassment claims were withdrawn. Claimants may have withdrawn their claims on the advice of their no-win, no-fee employment solicitors, or because they had settled the claim without the need to go to Tribunal.

Normal service shall resume shortly

2011-09-15T20:40:00.001+01:00

Apologies for the radio silence, folks – I’ve been away on a short holiday of sorts.

We’re due to get back late tomorrow so at least I shall have the weekend to slowly return to reality.

Who knows, I might even get around to a little blogging…

Ooh–piece of candy… Ooh–piece of candy…

2011-09-08T22:30:00.001+01:00

From BBC News 01/09/11:

A chocolate "trail" led to the capture of a drunken thief, a court in Devon has been told.

Mark Rye, 29, of Fore Street, Exeter, was "off his face" when he broke into a Co-operative store in the city in May, stealing alcohol and sweets.

Devon and Cornwall Police were able to track him down by following a trail of dropped Minstrels chocolates.

I wonder if PC Plod followed the trail of Minstrels a la James Woods in Family Guy.

Rye, who admitted burglary and drugs charges, was jailed at Exeter Crown Court for three years and nine months.

The burglar, who lived near the store, was caught on CCTV.

Defence lawyer Gareth Evans said: "He lives just around the corner and the CCTV covers that road. It was crass stupidity.

And here’s the charming chap himself.

No, I didn’t have him down as a Minstrel eater either.

Refreshingly honest legal recruitment ad? Oh wait...

2011-09-06T22:30:00.001+01:00

From Roll on Friday 02/09/11:

Orrick, Herrington & Suttcliffe has apologised after advertising a job for which the "ideal candidate" would be no older than 30.

The US firm posted an ad on its website looking for a European Corporate lawyer to join its Rome office. The ideal candidate would need very strong academics - "a magna cum laude Italian degree in law, a classical lyceum diploma with full marks, and an LLM degree possibly with merit or distinction" - and would enjoy working in a young environment. Which is just as well, seeing that they "would be 26-30 years old".

A spokeswoman for the firm said that "the advertisement was clearly an error and in no way reflects the firm's commitment to equality of opportunity. The advertisement has now been removed from our website. We apologise for any offence this may have caused".

Ah – it was that damn external recruitment consultancy, eh? Those guys!!!

But really, come on, you lot. You can think it (and let’s not pretend otherwise) you can practice it, you just can’t say it out loud.

Ahem.

If it ever comes to recruiting staff for Law Actually, I think I’d better get some help drafting the advertisements. Otherwise I shudder to think of the gross contravention of discrimination law that might come to pass.

Well, you know people are like throwing allegations about.

Paintballing and popping jahooblies

2011-09-04T21:59:00.001+01:00

Yep – it’s all going on down in Croydon!

From the Metro 24/08/11:

Female adrenaline junkies with breast implants are being offered extra protection at a paintball centre in Croydon.

The move comes after a 26-year-old woman, who declined to be named, suffered a ruptured implant after being shot in the chest at the UK Paintball centre last weekend.

Yowzers!

'It came as a real surprise to hear that a woman had her implant burst at one of our centres’.

Additional padding will now be offered to all female participants with breast implants in a bid to make sure something similar does not occur again.

I don’t imagine there’ll be a shortage of willing male attendants to pad these ladies up and make sure everything’s nicely in place. (As it were).

Actually, I’m sort of surprised that additional padding wasn’t available for ladies anyway. I always thought ‘aim for the chest’ was a golden rule and, well, y’know – that’s gotta hurt!

The incident, thought to be the first of its kind in the UK, has also prompted the centre to add a new line to its disclaimer notice.

Ah… here we go! If you’re running a paintball centre and breast implants are going to start exploding every which way like a bag full of popcorn in the microwave, it’s definitely time to consult your lawyer to see what prudent steps can be taken against those fake-boobed ladies with a litigious streak.

Participants are now required to indicate that they understand paintballs have the potential to rupture breast implants, as well as recognising the possibility of injury during the activity, which is favoured by stag and hen parties.

Sounds about right; from what I’ve heard, the typical stag and hen party absolutely favour the possibility of injuries.

But really? Paintball injury claims? Stag and Hen party injury claims? What are personal injury solicitors going to be salivating over next?

Fear of email

2011-09-01T22:48:00.001+01:00

I have a love / hate thing going on with email but up until recently, it was always more love than hate.

More recently though, I’ve been finding it’s starting to shred my nerves and whatever little is left of my sanity.

I have all of my work email accounts set up on my home computers and on my smartphone as well. This has been fine for a year or so but now it’s starting to send me over the edge. At least on a PC I have control whether I open Outlook (I only use Outlook for work email), but I’m finding myself avoiding switching on 3G on my phone when commuting home now for fear of what might next emerge.

But it gets worse; several times now when I'm in front of a computer, I’ve actually found myself imagining Outlook's email notification ping and pop-up in the bottom right hand corner of the screen and I find my eyes darting down there and shuddering at what new trauma awaits.

When I see that no new email has in fact arrived, I’m left with mixed feelings of relief and concern.

That can't be healthy. I think I need a holiday.

In the nicker for the ice cream licker

2011-08-31T22:57:00.001+01:00

Nah – if you were wondering, I couldn’t do better for a headline! Sorry.

And yes, I realise I’m a bit late with this one but I’ve been suffering from ‘blogstipation’ for the last couple of days!
Thanks to this post, everything's flowing nicely again – just as nature intended.

From MyFoXDC.com 25/08/11:

A man who stole a coffee-flavored ice cream during England's riots and gave it away after just one lick has been locked up for 16 months.

Anderson Fernandes, 21, walked into Manchester's Patisserie Valerie during outbreaks of violence and disorder in the northern English city earlier in August and helped himself to two scoops of the ice cream, the Manchester Evening News reported Thursday.

After taking one lick he decided he did not like the coffee flavor and gave it to a passing woman. His DNA was found at the scene and he was hauled before a judge at Manchester Crown Court.

The fact that this rioter (ooh – am I allowed to call him that?) took the time and trouble to prepare himself a soft-scoop cornet during the melee going on around him is just priceless. That he then didn’t like the flavour he’d chosen and after a lick or two, and gave it away, makes it even more so.

But really: who would accept an ice cream from a stranger in the street (particularly in the circumstances)? You’ve got to really be a lover of ice cream for that. I have a hard enough time accepting the cornet from the ice cream seller’s grubby mitt so I think it’s safe to assume I wouldn’t have entertained receipt of his two scoops.

Besides, he doesn’t look like an ice cream lover does he?

Oh well. Let’s hope Anderson learns his lesson. One thing’s for sure: he won’t look at coffee ice cream in the same way again.

RunPee – The best app since the fireometer?

2011-08-29T22:51:00.001+01:00

From Reg Hardware 09/08/11:

RunPee is an app designed to tell when the best time is to dash out of a cinema auditorium and take a quick tinkle, without missing too much of the action.

The nuts and bolts of the app are as simple as the act of passing water. Choose a film and you are presented with a selection of time slots all long enough for a quick whizz but timed so you won’t really be missing anything by staring at the porcelain rather than the silver screen.

If you have a free hand you can also read a brief summary of what’s going on while you are actually micturating. Obviously if you are a bloke this increases the possibility of you dropping your phone into the urinal, so keep a firm grip.

Of the phone, or....?

Anyhoo, I love this idea, I’m just not that sure about the name. I’ve had a think but I’m a bit stumped for alternative names – at least those which are family-friendly. Any ideas anyone?

Downloading an app sure beats wearing an adult nappy to the cinema, or even trying Gerard Depardieu’s empty bottle trick should you find yourself ‘caught short’.

It’s a win-win for phone carriers, too, as they’ll no doubt sell more insurance packages to save users from their own folly of dropping their beloved mobile down the karzy. Yeah, the add-on sales guys love that one (at least they do whenever I’ve spoken with them).

Funnily enough, I’ve always refused phone insurance and have taken pains to point out I’ve never taken my phone into the toilet. It’s a rule of mine that if nature calls, nobody else can.

Anyway, back to the app: I’d like to see it offer the facility to book tinkle-friendly seats at your cinema of choice, i.e. those positioned near the exit or at least by the aisle. Maybe that’ll be available in the next version? ;-)

Selling legal services with … y’know

2011-08-25T22:35:00.001+01:00

Roll on Friday are at their inimitable best, dredging up this brarmer from the depths of legal profession:

Hearty congratulations to Texan criminal defence attorney Melissa K. DuBose - the self-styled Law Lady - for her amazingly bonkers website featuring smouldering pouts, pearls and a quite un-lawyerly amount of cleavage.

DuBose seems determined to dispense with the traditional image of frumpy lawyers, all dandruff-speckled shoulders, square toed shoes and rictus grins. Instead she's pulled out her best body con dresses, sucked in her cheeks and generally upped the glamour stakes.

Raaaight oaaaarrrrrn! (Like my Texan drawl there?)

But I wonder how would clients would react if Melissa DuBose (and don’t get me wrong – she’s lovely and all that) was practicing in this country? It’s certainly a distinctive style; I’m sure she’d get an influx of male clients, hoping she’d lead them seductively into her office and take down their particulars (of claim).

And as for her colleagues? Probably the usual mix of jealously, snobbishness and sexual harassment. The blood pressure of senior partners would no doubt go through the roof. But many might find her style off-putting, too.

If a claimant’s been mis-sold PPI, say, they want to be compensated and want a capable, friendly lawyer fighting their corner. Whether they’re a libidinous (we live in hope) smokin’-hot-sexy-piece-of-ass with a cleavage to rival a page 3 girl’s is beside the point. Well, a nice bonus, perhaps? I don’t know.

But then again, maybe clients don’t want their lawyers to be sexy.

Positioning the ‘brand image’ of legal services is a tricky one. Old, dry and doddery on the one hand; sharp, hard-hitting and with a thong wedged up their booty-crack on the other. Hopefully there’s a happy-medium somewhere there. I guess it’s approachable, friendly, and professional. But that’s such a boring response.

Anyhoo, talking of questionable practices in the legal profession, on returning from my casual jaunt to Sainsbury’s at lunchtime, I overheard a few fragments of conversation from a couple of lawyers (I’d caught them emerging from the double doors of a local solicitors’ practice on previous occasions) walking down the same piece of pavement. They were talking animatedly about “Susan’s file”.

There were a few mutterings about a) what a mess Susan had left it in, b) how she’s always doing it and c) something about the content of the file which probably wouldn’t sit well with the solicitors’ code of conduct. Tut, tut... that Susan... she’s a one!

Rather than follow them all the way back, I decided to lurk at the bus stop and pretend I was checking the timetable. It just didn’t seem right to eavesdrop like that!
hehe... the hell I did!!

Just when you thought it was safe: death by browser toolbars

2011-08-21T23:42:00.001+01:00

I’ve blogged previously about just how much I hate browser toolbars and nothing much has changed in the four years that have passed.

Call me nosey, but when I’m wandering down the aisle in a train carriage or am somewhere else where people are tapping away merrily and staring intently at their laptops, I’m always curious to see what browser they’re using. I’m not judgemental (ahem!!) but when I see they’re rocking along with a toolbar in tow, I suddenly think a little less of them.

While I think a lot of people have slowly woken up to the browser toolbar fallacy, you still run into the occasional brarmer.

You know – something like this:

Words simply fail me on occasions like this.

Some people are just beyond help.

Back seat driver (10) saves the day

2011-08-19T21:00:00.001+01:00

From the Metro 18/08/11:

Ten-year-old Josh Hooley managed to steer his mother’s car to safety after she suffered a panic attack on a busy motorway.

He steered the car past speeding traffic on to the hard shoulder after mum Karen, 40, lost control when she missed her turn-off on Birmingham’s notorious Spaghetti Junction.

‘I didn’t know where we were and I just started sweating and breathing rapidly,’ said Mrs Hooley, from St John’s, Worcester.

We’ve all been there Karen.

‘There were articulated trucks and cars whizzing by but Josh remained calm and put his arm on mine and helped me steer the car on to the hard shoulder.’

As a reward, Josh was taken on a tour of the Highways Agency’s control room.

As a what? As a REWARD?

Poor little sod – he’s just saved God knows how many drivers from a hideous calamity and he gets a tour of the Highway Agency’s HQ as a treat. Call me ungrateful but it’s not usually the type of outing which lights many 10 year olds’ fires is it?

Three cheers for Josh then. But the cynic in me says hero Josh has deprived a firm of solicitors from a couple of juicy road traffic accident claims. But hey-ho: who cares what they think.

If you have been injured in an accident, contact 1st Claims for your free whiplash claim.

LPC spam

2011-08-18T23:21:00.001+01:00

I received an email a while back from ‘Young Lawyer’ about the LPC course run by BPP. I didn’t think much of it at the time.

But having cleared out my inbox recently (I go through phases when I’ll delete 1000 or so emails en masse), I came across it again, and this time it grated on me a bit.

Seriously... spam for the LPC – what’s the world coming to?

In fact, it reminded me an awful lot of the time when I bought an iron from Amazon. A few days after it had arrived, I received an email from Amazon with a product list of their 20 top selling irons.

I’d just bought the frickin’ thing – what did they think I wanted? TWO irons? One for each hand?

Geez, Louise.

But this isn’t their only LPC-themed mass mailing. I also stumbled across a “write an essay for their competition and win a place on the LPC” email from 2010.

OK, never mind the fact there was a second email, the LPC is the PRIZE?

I’ve always thought of the LPC as more a punishment than a prize. Don’t tell me writing the essay was the treat?

Religion and discrimination claims – why let common sense get in the way?

2011-08-17T20:55:00.001+01:00

From the Solicitors Journal 08/08/11:

A Sikh council worker who refused to join an office fridge-cleaning rota because his religious beliefs banned him from touching or handling meat products could* be the victim of discrimination, the EAT has ruled.

*My emphasis! ;-)

The EAT heard that although all Sikhs were not necessarily banned from eating or touching meat, the claimant was a member of a revivalist branch with different rules.

A revivalist branch? *Rolls eyes*. OK, OK, carry on officer. ;-)

Delivering judgment in Chatwal v Wandsworth Borough Council(UKEAT/0487/10/JOJ), Recorder Luba said Mr Chatwal was a customer services adviser in the council’s technical services department.

Recorder Luba said that in 2008 the council introduced a requirement that staff using the communal kitchen must take part in cleaning the fridge.

“Having declined to comply with the fridge cleaning requirement, he did not participate in the rota and was, in consequence, not able to use the kitchen any longer.”

Oh for goodness’ sake: are Revivalist Sikhs prevented from popping on a pair of marigolds now? Or what’s stopping him scraping it out with a spatula and keeping the suspicious remains safely at arms’ length? Given the hideous condition of most workplace fridges and the diabolical remnants that lurk within, surely that’s what any sensible person would do, regardless of their ‘religion’.

And don’t get me wrong – I’ve every respect for religion and religious beliefs, but this is just silly.

Law School Magazine

2011-08-14T22:14:00.001+01:00

I hate the pompous drivel that make up so many law school magazines - created and edited by the usual Machiavellian chancers who will no doubt go on to become parish councillors in later life.

Other law schools don’t even bother with that. They just dump a stack of copies of the Student Law Review on a table in the foyer and leave it at that.

But enough is enough. There’s a gap in the market which needs a-filling and I think I’m the right kind of cynical sod to do it.

So here’s the first edition of ‘The Law School Today’ – the law school magazine with a difference. I think we’ve got a cracking line up of features.

Great Wireless Network Names

2011-08-13T22:40:00.001+01:00

I’ve always gone for rather boring SSIDs in the past (but at least I did go to the trouble of changing them from the default).

My two favourites are definitely:

“Router, I hardly know her” – (which appealed perfectly to my underdeveloped sense of humour..) Anyway, he’s obviously a prudent chap… you can tell from the padlock symbol that he ‘uses protection’ too!

and

“Abraham Linksys”

You just can’t have as much fun with Thompson routers sadly.

“SUPERthanksforasking” comes in a close 3rd (just for the hell of it).

Found here.

Graduate Careers Market – a voyage of discovery

2011-08-11T23:34:00.001+01:00

Or should that be misery?

The legal blogosphere is full of doom and gloom at the moment – more so than I’ve seen for a while and I include the US blawgosphere in that. And when those guys are down in the mouth, you know things are bad.

I saw some really shocking statistics from a couple of US law graduates the other day about just how few of them graduate with *any* job, never mind a legal job. Graduate jobs of any description seem darn hard to come by at the moment.

In the meantime, graduate recruitment specialists are lining up to help – (at least it keeps one industry flourishing I guess). I’ve always been a bit sceptical about the value of careers advisers, but that doesn’t mean to say they’re all about as useful as a tintack in a jockstrap. I think half of the problem is that many students roll up with unrealistic expectations of what a careers adviser can do for them. Just proceed with caution and with limited expectations would be my advice; you can’t expect miracles. If you can’t help yourself, somebody else isn’t likely to either.

Our generation of students moaned incessantly about just how hard we had it, but I think it was still preferable to what next year’s students are going to have to contend with. And they’re still years away from having to be launched headfirst into the soul-destroying maelstrom that is the graduate careers market.

But who knows – things might pick up?

Shopping Cart Cam

2011-08-09T22:34:00.001+01:00

Don’t we all sometimes picture ourselves wandering around Sainsbury’s like this?

No?

Just me then.

Found here.

Btw, I like the fact the ‘assorted veg’ on the list equates to a couple of miserable cans of processed junk. No wonder we’re all dying of colon cancer.

Barking up the wrong tree

2011-08-08T22:24:00.001+01:00

From the Solicitors Journal 02/08/11:

Families ‘unlikely to appeal’ after National Trust ruling.

Edward Powell, head of personal injury at Essex firm Ellisons, has said it is “unlikely there will be an appeal” after the High Court ruled that the National Trust was not negligent after a boy died from a falling branch on one of its estates.

Daniel Mullinger was on a primary school trip when the class sheltered under an old beech tree in heavy rain at Felbrigg Hall, Norfolk. A heavy branch collapsed onto the group, killing Daniel and seriously injuring three other children.

The accident occurred in the Great Wood, home to almost 250,000 mature trees and a Site of Special Scientific Interest because of them.

Delivering judgment in Bowen and others v The National Trust [2011] EWHC 1992 (QB), Mr Justice Mackay said the group was sheltering briefly under a large beech tree, probably between 160 and 180 years old, when “entirely without warning” a large branch fractured and fell on them.

Mackay J said the Trust owed the children a duty under the Occupiers’ Liability Act 1957 and under the general law of tort.

He said there was no obligation to ensure the safety of visitors, merely to “take reasonable care to provide reasonable safety”.

Mackay J went on: “It is easy to state the law in this area, but less easy to apply it, particularly in a case with such a tragic outcome as this.

“The thrust of the case against the defendant is that its tree inspectors, for whom it is vicariously liable, failed to exercise reasonable care in their task.”

As truly tragic as this case is, common sense has prevailed. Sheer bad luck rather than any wrongdoing seems to have been the driving force behind this terrible outcome.

On a related note, I’ve got a rather large tree outside my house which I’m sure will soon be shedding God know how many tens of thousands of leaves all around. Maybe I should treat myself to a leaf blower before they turn into a soggy, slippery mulch and one of my charming neighbours decides to sue me … (they seem the litigious sort).

F1 fans royally shafted – Parr for the course?

2011-08-07T22:16:00.001+01:00

From Planet F1 03/08/11:

Like millions of F1 fans, I was dismayed to hear that the BBC would be drastically cutting their coverage of F1 from the start of next season. I don’t like the idea of Sky, though their Skygo online service did catch my interest earlier this year.

To be honest, I’m not a fan of the Murdochs and I wasn’t well before any sniff of the phone hacking allegations emerged. Heck, I stopped buying the Times newspaper once their website went behind that ridiculous paywall. I’m a principled kind of chap y’know.

Parr, a former barrister (go figure) and currently CEO at Williams, has been a leading proponent of Bernie’s plan to ~~screw all British F1 fans over~~ move the majority of the coverage to Sky. (And Adam, despite what others might say, I don’t think you’re a floppy haired wally who’s helped run a once great team into the ground.) :-)

Anyhow, whatever Adam is or is not, he’s rolled out a couple of corking lines:

"To me, out of a difficult situation, I hope we're going to get the best of all possible worlds. I think Bernie put this deal together to ensure the fans would have as much as possible of what they've been enjoying."

Oh, spin it how you want. I’m still not paying for Sky though...

Parr added that: "The fundamental challenge is that Formula One is a very, very expensive show. It is not two blokes with a couple of tennis rackets and a pair of plimsolls all of which was provided free.

Yeah – fair ‘nuff. There’s no need to deride tennis into the bargain, though. Actually, tennis is awful – go ahead.

"If you go to Cirque de Soleil and you see cutting edge performers in an amazing facility constantly updating the show it costs you 100 pounds for a good ticket, or you can go to your local circus with a couple of mangy elephants and a rather droopy clown and it costs you 10 pounds. People are capable of distinguishing."

Mangy elephants and droopy clowns? Ooh – whatever next. He could have been talking about Williams’ drivers and pit crew!

Legal Tightwads & Drinks Machines

2011-08-03T22:53:00.001+01:00

From Roll on Friday 29/07/11:

In an exciting new business development, the uber-profitable Devonshires has dispensed with fruit bowls, biscuits and monthly drinks for staff in the name of cost saving.

A source told RollOnFriday that the firm has removed the free fruit it used to provide for staff - although reportedly only one piece per person, mind. Devonshires apparently also used to stock the kitchens with biscuits, but these too have vanished. And to top it off, the monthly drinks laid on so hard-working Devonshire associates could loosen their ties have been replaced by biannual drinks. Which must finish by 9pm.

Diddums.

Talking of drinks and staff perks, we’ve all enjoyed the drinks machine which provides coffees, teas, mochas, cappuccinos, soups and occasionally wet-fronted trousers for close to a year now.

However, since overhearing fragments of a very enlightening conversation when the vending company last came in to replenish said machine, I’ve scaled my intake right back. I didn’t catch every word that was said – the new position of my desk in our increasingly open-plan office (another sore point) is too far away for that – but I heard enough.

Phrases like, “well I wouldn’t drink it”, “it can’t be doing you any good”, “worse than a grounded-up mars bar” were enough to put me off for life. Well, within reason. Given that caffeine seems to be the fuel which most in legal practice run off, cutting it out entirely, just wasn’t an option.

Still, I’ve cut my coffee intake down to 2 a day (after my kickstarter with breakfast) and haven’t touched anything with chocolate in since that fateful day.

Fed up of walking your dog?

2011-08-01T22:10:00.001+01:00

Well, let them know it by using a lead like this.

I’m by no means a dog lover, but this just seems harsh.

Found here (as usual).

Blogger’s brush with death

2011-07-31T21:52:00.001+01:00

By way of introduction, I first discovered the social media sensation Caitlin Oppermann during the IT module on my LLM (ah - it’s always nice to hark back to those happy days!!) when she was interviewed for an article which appeared in NY Magazine about her rather avant-garde use of social media as a college student.

She’s an interesting, quirky character (though I’m not sure how much I like her ‘new for 2011’ half shaved head, but hey-ho, each to their own). She has a huge following and a refreshing ‘edge of your seat’ approach to social media and blogging.

In short, I like her style (hair dos excluded) and I’ve always felt there need to be more bloggers like that. I think there’s a bunch of legal bloggers out there who can learn a lot from Caitlin.

Anyhow, I digress…

From Caitlin Oppermann’s tumblr blog 27/07/11:

A week ago tonight I was hit by a car while riding my bike.

When the car hit me, I went over the hood and hit the windshield and my bike was thrown away from the car. I didn’t hit my head hard (luckily I was wearing a helmet anyway) but my legs took the bulk of the impact.

When I rolled off of the car and into the street, the woman driving got out, quickly and absent-mindedly asked me if I was ok, and then ran across the street to frantically chase down witnesses to insure that she wouldn’t be liable.

Don’t ya just love what we’ve degenerated into?

My bike was mangled, I was bleeding and swelling and I had no way to get home. I was too out of it to call an ambulance or even the police and somehow I let the lady (and her family, who were all in the car) drive me home with my mangled bike hanging out of the back of the trunk.

I got home, realized that my ankle was swelling and starting to throb as well, and went to the emergency room. I waited for 4 hours, didn’t see anyone, and went home.

The abridged version is that she’s OK, eventually got her wounds seen to and luckily suffered no broken bones. Sadly, though, she’s been left as a semi nervous wreck with a fear of cycling.

Whoah! As Crocodile Dundee might have said: now THAT’S a bruise.

(Btw, I wasn’t sure it seemed quite proper posting a picture of Caitlin’s inner thigh. But hey, we’ve all got them and she was obviously comfortable posting the pictures on her blog in the first place).

I do hope this nasty incident doesn’t put Caitlin off cycling for life; coming from someone who was ran over by a post van as a child, I think it’s important to get back into the saddle as soon as possible. Literally.

Lawyers + 2012 Olympics = Disaster

2011-07-27T21:50:00.001+01:00

Or so the senior partner would have you believe. What a killjoy. Bast*rd.

From Law Society Gazette 21/07/11:

City firms have already begun putting action plans in place to deal with the disruption caused by the London 2012 Olympics, the Gazette has learned.

London 2012 organisers have written to all firms in the capital warning that capacity on rail and underground services will be stretched unless they take action, with passengers facing delays of up to an hour just to use certain key stations.

You WHAT? “Will be stretched”? You’re kidding me. It’s stretched now; during the Olympics it’s safe to say that London’s transport infrastructure will simply buckle in two and implode.

“Delays of up to an hour”. Christ – sounds like their aiming for an improvement then. Don’t believe a bit of it.

Law firms including Linklaters, Simmons & Simmons and Hogan Lovells are putting together action plans more than a year before the Olympics begin on 27 July, including working from home and staggered start and finish times.

Yes, because those memos saying, “don’t come into the office but work from home on these dates” take such a long time to draft.

I rather fancy lawyers are going to get a taste for the working-from-home lark. Everyone moans that it blurs the boundary between home life and work (hmmph, home life – whatever that is?) and it gets them into bad practices, not going into the office means they can’t escape the drudgery of married life for that blissful 8-9 hours a day yadda yadda yadda. I don’t know: I find that I’m strangely productive on the odd occasion I work from home.

One partner at another major City firm told the Gazette that it was expecting productivity to be half that of a normal month, due to transport problems, staff absence and the annual August slowdown.

‘You’re going to have to expect a major hit for the length of the Olympics and Paralympics,’ he said.

‘All firms are having to integrate it into their financial planning as you’ll be looking just to cover your costs during August.’

Oh gawd. Talk about talking the sparkle off it already. Perhaps all lawyers should just stay at home and sulk for the duration of the Olympics.

Ooh – which reminds me. I’m one of the lucky ones who has tickets!

'appiness for employers

2011-07-24T22:12:00.001+01:00

From Roll on Friday 14/07/11:

Scottish firm MacRoberts has joined the twenty-first century and released an app for the iPhone, which allows bosses to find out just how cheaply they can get rid of unwanted employees.

Yay. And what employer doesn’t want that facility?

I’m pleased to announce I’ll soon be adding something similar to the ever-expanding line of Law Actually products and services.

Called the ‘fire-o-meter’ (Fireometer) “fire-omm-eater”... you get how I’m saying that - it’s frightfully important!!), it will use your smart phone’s camera and facial recognition technology to spy on your employees and measure their productivity.

There’s a nifty little slider which an iPhone or Android wielding employer can use to set his or her expectation levels for individual employees and if the camera spies them falling below that standard, it will ping you an email alert telling you to get rid.   Windows Phone 7 users will have to carry on waiting for this app. They’re clearly gluttonous for punishment anyway.

The app niftily links in to your employee records to determine when they started work (for the purposes of calculating notice periods) and what role they hold (or should that be held?)

The Fireometer has three defined levels for dealing with unwanted employees:

For the once-useful and formerly valued members of staff, it will suggest a one-to-one meeting in which you fire them in person and give them a parting, it’s-nothing-personal slap on the back. Helpfully, the Fireometer automatically sets up the calendar entries and the meeting request for you. If you prefer, you can pre-record the firing message via the app and simply press play to avoid any unpleasantness of having to verbally fire the individual in person.
Secondly, there’s the standard firing by email or text with the requisite notice, (all fully automated). The email contains a video of Donald Trump in typical culling pose with his firing forefinger fully extended in which he shouts, “You’re lazy, you’re stupid, and you’ve been nothing but trouble... you know what [X], You’re Fired!!”.
Finally, for the most egregious shirkers and generally hopeless employees (and, let’s face it, there are a lot of them out there) it advises you to, ‘stick them out with the trash’. You’re left to interpret that as you please.

Naturally, we’re following the freemium model; the above functionality is available in the free version. However, the paid version of the app does two extra things:

It fires an email with all the relevant details off to a local law firm which specialises in employment law so they can help clear up the resultant mess. (btw, we’ve bullet proof T&Cs... all liability is excluded... so don’t come crying to us when you find yourself with an appointment at an Employment Tribunal).
It cross-checks the details of the role the ex-employee was doing and sends off requests to recruitment agencies for a replacement. (Out with the old and in with the new and all that!!)

We’re expecting that law firms and recruitment agencies will be anxious to be included in this service. Btw, if that sounds like you, and you want to be added, just email: suckers@fireometer.com for our standard terms and rates. ;-)

I think you’ll agree: this added functionality is the perfect time-saver for the slap-happy employer who doesn’t have the time to source their own employment lawyer or fresh stock of employees.

How to back up … correctly

2011-07-21T23:36:00.001+01:00

Found via How to Geek 30/05/11.

Painfully true.

Which reminds me: my old external hard drive which was my primary backing up drive but is now my secondary backing up drive because it went on the blink (slightly) is now my tertiary backing up drive because I bought another external hard drive to become my primary backing up drive after I relegated the previously new primary backing up drive to become the secondary when I got the third.

No, that’s not quite right… or is it?

Anyway, the one that’s on the blink is now even more on the blink and probably has to be retired all together. Which means, I need a, what, quaternary drive to…

Oh forget it. I just need to back up again. Bugger.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing

2011-07-18T22:12:00.001+01:00

Why is it half of US blawgers only seem to blawg about their kids?

Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Or maybe I'm less sympathetic because I'm not a parent? I don’t know and I don’t really care.

All I know is that reading about other people's kids bores me to tears.

And I’ve had enough; here comes a clear-out session of my RSS subscriptions!

Drunkards & Hand Sanitizer

2011-07-17T22:00:00.001+01:00

From the Telegraph 20/06/11:

A man who drank six bottles of alcohol-based hand sanitiser while being treated in an Australian hospital for alcoholism has sparked calls for the antibacterial gels to be better secured.

Well, if alcoholics drink methylated spirits or whatever else they can get their trembling hands on, what’s so surprising about them drinking hand sanitizer?

Doctors said in a letter published on Sunday in the Medical Journal of Australia that they were stunned to discover the man had downed six 375-millilitre (12.7-ounce) bottles of hand sanitiser, giving him a blood-alcohol concentration of 0.271 per cent. That's more than five times higher than the 0.05 per cent legal limit for driving in Australia.

Dr. Michael Oldmeadow, an internist at The Alfred hospital in Melbourne city, said that although the incident was not the first of its kind, it was the most serious case he had seen and the man is lucky to have survived.

"It surprised us that he drank this stuff," Oldmeadow said, according to the Australian Associated Press. "It's horrendous. You'd think it would taste pretty bad."

Funnily enough, I’ve only recently jumped on the hand sanitizer bandwagon, and I have to say, it’s strangely addictive. (As a hand cleanser, I mean. Nothing more).

The stuff I’m using smells pretty damn good and whilst I don’t fancy drinking any, I do find myself squirting it about with increasing frequency. My mouse and laptop at work have even had a surreptitious squirt.

Let’s hope I’m not developing any OCD tendencies.

~~Right, blog post done, time to wash my hands.~~

Laptops in bed and cyber widows

2011-07-13T22:38:00.001+01:00

From the Daily Mail 11/07/11:

“How men use technology to avoid intimacy in relationships”

Ah, there you go. Thanks for that bullet point, Daily Mail. When I read that, I thought this article was going to be about chaps heading into Ann Summers and coming out with something expensive which vibrates to avoid having to suffer the pains of sex any longer. Turns out your article had so much more in store.

My dislike for the Daily Mail aside, this is all very relevant stuff – particularly for under-pressure lawyers who rarely seem to be able to discern where the working day starts and ends. A lot of us are becoming surgically attached to our email (I know I am) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But I also know (more or less) where to draw the line. And if I misjudge it, my girlfriend soon tells me – one way or another.

There’s nothing wrong with breaking out the laptop and checking emails after work, but everyone needs to know when enough is enough. Surely it’s not that difficult?

Some evenings, we’d barely say more than a few words to each other,’ says Victoria, 38, a full-time mother.

‘When Craig came home at night, he’d have something to eat, then he’d open up his laptop to respond to work emails.

I still think this ‘technology-is-killing-my-relationship’ stuff is an utter fallacy. Technology use and spending quality time together needn’t be mutually exclusive. It’s down to users taking responsibility for your own conduct and not using modern communications as a pretext for why an ailing relationship is on shaky ground.

But hey – at least the Daily Mail got to fill up some column inches with this tripe. In between the bikini shots of whatever c-list trailer trash their photographers could snap, of course.

‘His virtual self became more important than his real self. We didn’t row about it — I’d try to make conversation, get no response and give up.

Maybe you’re just a boring conversationalist with nothing interesting to say, Vicky? Or perhaps you should have pinged him an email.

It wasn’t that we weren’t getting on. We just stopped communicating. Then, one evening, he sent an email to me that was meant for a colleague. It wasn’t racy or intimate, but it was flirty and jokey.

Oooh – flirty and jokey. The best kind then!

‘I felt sick to my stomach.

Oh, Christ... here we go...

He told me there was nothing in it. I believed him, but I realised he had more intimacy with this woman than he did with me.

I think that rather depends on your definition of intimacy. But still.

‘These days, people are on their mobiles at dinner; they spend hours on the computer or watching TV; and they are more connected to their Facebook friends than to the person they promised to love and cherish until death do them part.

I don’t use my mobile at dinner - that’s just rude. Plus it might get greasy in the process. But we do usually watch TV, stream something or are held up in separate rooms sulking after an argument. I thought that was just modern co-habiting bliss?

Facebook is cited in one in five divorces, according to lawyers, while a survey by website Divorce Online found that the phrase ‘mobile phone’ occurred in one in eight divorces citing unreasonable behaviour.

Yes, but that’s usually because the aggrieved partner has threatened to wedge it up their former lover’s a*s for cheating on them.

And let’s face facts: you can’t blame phone manufacturers adding cameras to their phones for your partner’s wandering eye. It’s the damn fault of the mobile network operators who make it so easy to send that snap of your naughty bits to a colleague for kinky thrills in a matter of seconds. Trying to do the same with Polaroids just wasn’t the same.

‘Technology is interrupting our relationships and allowing us to avoid each other. It has become a way of avoiding real relationships and intimacy.

Oh please! Technology can bring people together just as much as it can drive them apart. It’s how it’s used that matters. And this isn’t anything new; I’m sure television was looked upon as destroying the quiet tranquillity of family life when it first hit the big time. The fact that your hubby would rather exchange dirty emails with a colleague about how he’s going to ravage her over the boardroom table next week instead keeping up the pretence that your sham of a marriage is working, doesn’t mean that technology is to blame.

Maybe it’s time to start looking closer to home for the cause of your problems.

Just a thought.

Use of… etc.

2011-07-12T22:08:00.001+01:00

So true!

Found via Digg

The week my blog died

2011-07-10T21:34:00.001+01:00

Don’t worry: it’s been resuscitated.

My traffic levels have dropped through the floor this past week - prompting a full scale inquiry. Ahem.

I’m not going to go into the ins and outs of exactly what happened (I can’t be bothered to, quite frankly) but let’s just say there was a fundamental problem with my blog template code which was producing a significant lag on loading and I lacked the knowledge, ability and patience to adequately fix it.

So, I’ve had to doctor one of blogger’s new rather awful looking templates.

I don’t know: the longer I stay with blogger the more disenchanted I become. I’m happy to move to another provider and pay for something decent and, with that in mind, reactivated my squarespace account which I see I opened in July 2008.

If and when I find a way of moving my blog over without my pagerank dropping off a cliff, I might just do it. Maybe I should finally move over to my custom domain (instead of just redirecting) and then export the whole thing over to squarespace. I see squarespace provides for SEO preservation of custom domain imports, though I’ve no idea how effective it is and I think there will be a fair amount of drop off.

What I do know for certain is that blogger has given me the frickin’ squits these last few days and I don’t think I can forgive and forget.

Anyway, apologies for the rather sloppy new template but I’m stuck with it for now. It’s very loosely based on a theme that I had planned to introduce this summer anyway but I was hoping to produce something half decent before letting it loose.

I’ll see how it goes over the next few weeks before making a final decision. Let’s hope I don’t have to pull the plug entirely. ;-)

Path’s become ‘too dangerous for wheelchair’

2011-07-06T22:13:00.001+01:00

^{Photo courtesy of James McCauley}

Not my headline; it’s the witty, attention-grabbing header chosen by the South Gloucestershire Observer dated 07/07/11. Oh yes!

A woman was injured after falling from a footpath the city council has failed to make safe, despite pledges it would do so.

She was rescued from a stream after slipping from the path between Water Lane [appropriately named?!], Tesco supermarket and Calington Road, Brislington.

It is not clear how she ended up in the water but four Avon fire and rescue appliances and Great Western Ambulance Service were needed to get her out of the water and onto a spinal board.

“It’s not clear how the woman ended up in the water?” How about – she slipped?

More to the point, why on earth did it take 4 fire engines and crews to get her out of a stream? Talk about adding insult to injury. Was it not enough that the poor woman suffered the ignominy of going a over t into a stream without the local rag implying she’s the size of a fully grown rhino!

A fire service spokeswoman said the woman had fallen 2m into the water.

Good to see the roving reporter actually did some kind of research then. Strange that the fact the woman ended up in the water remained a mystery to them then!

Phil Collins, [traa la la] who lives with his disabled, 82-year old mum Margaret on nearby Homemead Drive, said the path was far too treacherous to take her along in her wheelchair.

… The woman who fell in the stream was taken to hospital with back injuries but it is not believed that she was seriously hurt.

Huh! And what about her pride after this brarmer went to press?

Receive expert advice about whiplash injury compensation.

Owner’s Workshop Manual for Lawyers

2011-07-05T20:56:00.001+01:00

Oh yes, folks. It’s finally here: an owner’s workshop manual specifically for lawyers.

(I know what you’re asking: what took us so long!!)

Whether you’re an embittered client, long-suffering spouse or bemused parent struggling to get your head around just why your child had to go and sully the family tree by marrying a lawyer, help is at hand.

This book is designed to give you a fighting chance of understanding that rather curious species in modern life - the lawyer.

Granted, it might not help you work out what makes a solicitor or barrister tick, but it might just give you pointers on what you can do to make being in their company a touch more bearable.

It includes answers all those lawyery-questions you’ve been longing to know, such as:

- Why are weekends just two more days of the working week?

- How can you prevent Jonathan from clockwatching down the pub when he’s so obviously itching to calculate social time in billable units? (N.B. A general workaround is suggested involving a long handled screwdriver and a gasket!! – not for the faint-hearted though!!).

Whilst lawyers can be alien creatures, conventionally renowned for being aloof, slippery and incredibly self-righteous, this book hopefully goes some way in helping you understand them a little better – even if it doesn’t dispel all of those beliefs.

N.B. this book is not suitable defendants awaiting trial with cannibalistic tendencies quietly plotting in their cell how to dismember and eat their solicitor or counsel. Yes, this book does contain cut-away diagrams, but really, eating people is just wrong. And surely, wouldn’t lawyer-meat taste nasty?
Available in all good bookshops. (The book, that is – not lawyer-meat!)

The problem of free shipping

2011-07-02T23:04:00.001+01:00

I blame Amazon – their super saver delivery is superb!

Found here.

Shoplifter smiles for the photographer

2011-06-28T22:19:00.001+01:00

From Houston Press Blogs 24/06/11:

You're an athletic woman who likely can easily outrun any employee of a mall shop. So even if they're scrambling after you yelling "Shoplifter!!" as loud as they can, you know you can make it to the parking lot and freedom.

Just one tip: Don't have your escape route go right by a professional photographer taking pictures.

One Sugar Land shoplifter didn't follow that guideline, and now police have a series of fine photos catching her escape as it happened. At no charge!

Photographer Barry Sigman ... [said]... "I saw somebody run past me followed by another person who was yelling, 'shoplifter' over and over again."

"At one point she threw some things into the bushes then ran 20 yards, and for some reason she went back for them. That's when I captured her face on my camera."

What did she throw away and go back for? Maybe she ditched the goods in an attempt to avoid detection and then indignantly thought she’d made too much effort to go home empty handed? Or perhaps she chucked her iPhone by mistake? In any case, going back to rummage in the bushes proved to be her downfall.

"I flagged down the police and showed them a picture," Sigman says. "They were looking for a male, but they know now that it was a female."

Ouch! Talk about adding insult to injury. She’s not that manly looking is she? Actually, don’t answer that!

Anyway, this reminded me of a story I heard when starting a retail job as a student. There, the security guards joyously regaled us with the tale about how they were able to rugby tackle a shoplifter to the ground after she had voluntarily come back into the store to collect her kids who she had initially forgotten in the excitement of making off with several hundred quids’ worth of goods.

Oh well – that’s modern parenting for you.

Just one of those days…

2011-06-26T22:47:00.001+01:00

Needs no explanation.

Found here

Wimbledon concern over slips & trips – just a load of balls?

2011-06-23T22:12:00.001+01:00

From the Telegraph 21/06/11:

Thousands of tennis fans were denied the chance to watch Andy Murray's opening match at Wimbledon last night as the outdoor screen was turned off for the first time in the tournament's history because of the weather.

Wimbledon spokesman Johnny Perkins said: "The hill has been closed because of the slippery nature of the grass while it is so wet.

"It is a health and safety issue. We just can’t have people slipping and sliding and falling off the thing and breaking their ankles.

We potentially could have large numbers of people slipping and sliding all over the place."

Still, that doesn’t seem to concern local authorities when they don’t bother gritting the pavements in winter.

The announcement, made on a tannoy system as Murray warmed up, was met with groans and boos by the crowds who had gathered on the hill, a favoured viewing spot for those who do not manage to get tickets for the main courts at SW19.

Um – excuse me: you can’t make groaning or grunting noises at Wimbledon!!! It’s just not ~~cricket~~ ~~tennis~~, ahem, allowed - apparently. Personally, I think there’s nothing better than a good old grunt, shriek and moan whilst on court. And if you’re hitting a tennis ball at the time, so much the better.

Anyway, can’t Henman Hill / Murray Mount be astroturfed? Or what about insisting fans move around on wet grass on all fours or imitating a seal moving up a beach? Or why not have Wimbledon organisers dish out studded boots?

No?

[As for … British hopeful Katie O'Brien] … [h]er day was would only get worse after writing on her Twitter page: "I've just been sat in the rain on Henman Hill with friends and family drowning my sorrows with a Pimms!!!"

Great – so instead of getting wet feet on the grass, inconsolable tennis fans turn to the bottle and give their livers a pounding. Still, isn’t that what Wimbledon is all about for us Brits – downfalls and alcohol?

What the flock? Farmer spray paints sheep as moving billboard

2011-06-21T22:20:00.001+01:00

From BBC News 20/06/11:

A North Yorkshire farmer has sprayed the logo of his business on the side of a flock of sheep as a way of getting round planning laws.

James Metcalfe, from Dalton, near Richmond, is blocked from putting up billboards to advertise as they could distract drivers on the nearby A1.

He has painted the logo of his turf business on the side of 20 of his newly-shorn flock.

Mr Metcalfe said: "They were quite happy with it."

He added: "We wanted to put up a sign next to the A1 but planning is quite difficult.

But Mr Metcalfe, who part owns Tyas Turf, said there was a flaw in his enterprising plan because the animals preferred to shelter at the top of the fields rather than next to the prime location next to the A1.

"They are not trained to stand still," he added.

Ah – that could be a slight hitch then! And I doubt concrete boots for the sheep would go down very well with animal rights activists!

Thinking about this, I’m not sure what’s more distracting to motorists: seeing a large billboard advertising turf in a field or a flock of tattooed sheep wandering around.

Metcalfe added:

"The sheep have just been sheared so it was an opportunity.

"They were quite happy with it. We used a stencil on each side and it only took a couple of seconds."

Hmm. I wonder if a law practice adopted the same strategy with satisfied clients who had recently had a haircut? …Possibly in conjunction with a ~~nominal~~ reduction of the fee? Don’t try and tell me there’d be an outcry!

And actually, I could do with some good quality turf for the back lawn of my new house. James, if you’re reading, can we do some kind of deal for me featuring this story?

Tiger bread and client care: what can law firms learn?

2011-06-19T23:21:00.001+01:00

In case this one passed you by, here’s the abridged version. Wandering around Sainsbury’s one day, 3 and a half year old Lily was curious why tiger bread was not called giraffe bread. It’s a fair enough question from a perceptive child. So, thinking what the heck, she wrote Sainbsury’s a letter with her parents’ help.

Sainsbury’s wrote a very pleasant letter back, agreeing with Lily that the markings on tiger bread look more like those of a giraffe than those of a tiger, explained the background of the name and enclosed a gift card for good measure. It’s proven a pretty shrewd move on Sainsbury’s part as they’ve garnered no end of good PR from this story going viral.

So, Sainsbury’s deserve a good ol’ slap on the back for that one.

But it got me thinking: what if the same thing had happened with a law firm. Would they have entertained a letter from a curious child so readily and warmly? I realise the customer bases are different (though not that different); both serve the public and need to create good PR wherever they can. Both want to be seen to be approachable, accommodating and take every opportunity to sow positive seeds in the minds of their next generation of potential clients.

I suspect most high street practices would have given such a letter a cursory glance before filing in the ‘out’ tray, earmarked for the shredder – (much the same way as most pupillage or training contract applications and enquiries about legal work experience then!).

Sadly, I’m too old and lack the perception of a child going through the ‘why, why, but why’ phase, but I should imagine there are a lot of questions they would want to ask lawyers.

‘Why do you guys wear such funny things on your heads in court’?

“Why do you charge so much”

“Why does my daddy say you’re as slippery as a snake?”

“This other girl pulled out in front of me in the playground without looking. I ran into her and now my neck feels a bit sore. Do I have a claim?

Sexting dos and don’ts (yep, they exist... apparently)

2011-06-18T20:54:00.001+01:00

From Motherboard.tv 09/06/11:

Obviously everyone knows what sexting is, but I would just like to explain it because I send these articles to my grandmother, and I don’t want to have to break down sexting to her face-to-face.

I don’t think anybody’s grandmother needs to know what sexting is. If she wants to swap X-rated polaroids with the rest of the church congregation that’s her business, but camera phones are just too much for the over 60s to cope with – particularly when there’s nakedness involved.

Basically, you take about a 100 pictures of your a*s in cute underwear and then one comes out good so you text it to a dude. ... The whole point of sexting is that as soon as the recipient gets it, they will speed over to your house for some hot sex.

As with any type of social exchange, there is a certain etiquette that needs to be followed.

Oh really?

For starters, don’t send a sext to someone who might not be down.

“not be down” ... I’ve no idea what this means. I’m guessing it’s ‘up for it’ but I might be wrong. Remember: I’m the chap who had to Google Andro’s use of the term “pwned” (something I still don’t fully understand) and, more recently, “fraped”.

If you want to test the waters, say something like, “do you like me? Y or N.” If they respond in a negative way, just pretend that you are drunk at a party and someone stole your phone.

Hold up: just because someone likes you, it doesn’t mean to say they want their phone polluted with an impromptu up-close-and-personal shot of your genitalia. That’s just not cricket.

When sending a picture, make sure it’s not trashy. I knew a kid whose ratty girlfriend sent him pictures of her [... you can read the rest of the this sentence over at motherboard.tv ;-) It made me chuckle. ].

Really? Can sexting ever NOT be trashy? Isn’t that part of the appeal?

Sexting is a dangerous game sometimes, but it’s always worth it. You can’t expect to get d**k pics if you don’t send out some artsy shots of your boobs strategically covered with suds during a bubble bath photo shoot.

…said the contract law lecturer to his class, trying to find a modern day example of quid pro quo in action.

A pizza the action

2011-06-15T21:49:00.001+01:00

From Stupid Criminals (Discovery.com) 30/05/11:

Wynika Mason ... had a beef (we can't verify if that is a figure of speech or an actual topping in the dispute) with employees at a Louisville Pizza Hut.

Witty. Really witty.

Suddenly, out of a sheath [shouldn’t that be ‘scabbard’?] she pulled a full-sized sword, apparently intending to go all medieval on the workers. Unfortunately, her threat oozed [really – it ‘oozed’? I didn’t know threats did that] beyond her intended victims and spread to her fellow pizza patrons. Giant swords are like that.

Her brother diffused the situation before police arrived by disarming Wynika and placing the sword in his car. Just the same, once the authorities arrived our would-be Captain Jacqueline Sparrow [oooh, witty] was arrested for disorderly conduct and menacing.

Really? Is that all? For taking a sword to pizza hut?

I wonder what she’ll raise in mitigation. The fact she was planning to order a thick crust? The restaurant's own cutlery was inadequate? Anyway, isn’t pizza meant to be finger-food?

This whole episode just reinforces our contention that all pizza was meant to be delivered.

Or just avoided perhaps. I’ve always found it rather over-rated to be honest.

Parenting for the Facebook age

2011-06-09T21:55:00.001+01:00

From Digg:

Oooh! Meow!

And who said parents should take the moral high ground when disciplining their children?

I hate to think what’s going to happen to that kid when he next crosses the school playground!!
Still, every child has to learn their lesson, right?

Woman goes hyper at Dunkin’ Donuts

2011-06-07T23:05:00.001+01:00

Hyperglycaemic that is. Allegedly.

From Money.msn.com 03/06/11:

A Philadelphia woman is suing Dunkin' Donuts, saying a worker mistakenly put sugar in her coffee, which ultimately caused her to go into diabetic shock.

There’s nothing like bringing a negligence claim against a friendly barista doing a good deed in the city of brotherly love, is there?

Danielle Jordan's lawsuit claims she asked for artificial sweetener to be added to her coffee during a June 2009 visit. Jordan claims she downed the drink and experienced dizziness, light-headedness and ended up making an emergency trip to the hospital.

A legal liaison for the Canton, Mass.-based doughnut chain told the Philadelphia Daily News she couldn't comment on the case. But she says employees only provide customers with the order they ask for.

Jordan's lawyer, Kenneth Rodgers, says his client couldn't tell from the taste of the coffee that she got sugar instead of her preferred artificial sweetener. He says she didn't finish the drink before she fell ill.

The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages.

Perhaps this is just me, but if you knew you were a diabetic, wouldn’t you always insist on putting your own sugar in? In my experience, your average barista wouldn’t know whether they were breaking open a sachet of sugar, saccharin, or a wet wipe and dumping it in your cawfee.

So who knows what happened: did the barista get the sachets muddled? Had the claimant scoffed a sneaky donut around the corner before going in and it really was saccharin in there? Heck, maybe a sugar cube became dislodged from a ceiling tile overhead and plopped in the coffee unbeknownst to anyone?

In any case - who cares – it’ll settle within the week!

Sweet as you like.

F1 car hits spectator in mad cross track dash

2011-06-05T22:45:00.001+01:00

Ouch–that looks painful

From espnf1.com 04/06/11:

Sebastien Buemi ran over a spectator during a Red Bull demonstration event in Japan which was being held to raise money for tsunami victims.

Ouch – talk about kicking a country while it’s down!

Buemi was carrying out his usual routine when a spectator decided to take a short-cut across the track from behind a bridge. Unfortunately, he ran straight in front of the Red Bull, but a last-second jump as the car hit him probably saved him from serious injury.

Or slicing him clean off at the ankles.

Fortunately, neither Buemi or the spectator were injured.

Phew!! Does that mean there won’t be another car compensation claim clogging up the courts?

Incidentally, the various reports I’ve read all say it was a Red Bull that Buemi was driving; going back to his Scuderia Toro Rosso next weekend in Canada will no doubt seem like a load of bull.
See what I did there?

Sigh.

Lawyer in ‘waitering’ funds law degree by dropping trousers

2011-06-02T23:06:00.001+01:00

From Roll on Friday 01/06/11:

Times are tough for law students. And with tuition fees are rising to £9k a year at most universities, and with the LPC now costing the thick end of £13k - they're only getting tougher. Those who've been sold the lawyer dream are likely to be lumbered with debts in excess of £40k before they even photocopy their first bundle.

Nothing like starting with a positive, is there RoF?

Lawyers who can't rely on the bank of mum and dad are having to come up with ever more ingenious ways of staying afloat and paying off debts.
We've seen adverts offering female advocates in the US the chance of propping up their earnings by giving topless lap dances whilst also dispensing legal advice.

And there’s always conventional ‘modelling’ ... ahem – see this week’s earlier post.

Now it's the turn of the men. Specifically 22 year-old, UWE law student Alex Hemsley, who's confessed to the Mail that he's been supporting himself through law school by semi-naked waitering. Hemsley works as a Butler in the Buff - which seems to mean showing your bum to tipsy women on hen weekends for £25 per hour.

It might be helping to pay the bills at the moment but will revealing his money making scheme to the world have any negative consequences for Alex’s legal career? There can’t be that many firms who would approve of a future trainee solicitor of theirs strutting about in the partial nuddy getting his sweet-meats out on request for a bunch of drunk and dirty old women.

Unless he’s hoping to argue that he’s merely ‘showing commercial awareness’.

I just hope there’s no squirty cream involved!

I don’t know – maybe I’m just jealous. I didn’t work during my LLB, but I did during my LLM. It wasn’t glamorous but it paid the rent – and, guess what, I got to keep my clothes on. Which is just as well; I think I would have had to have done a lot of bench presses with my constitutional and administrative law textbook before I was close to being butch enough for these kind of shenanigans.

Perhaps a job for which the average pasty-faced law student [speak for yourselves RoF] - more at home with Chitty on Contracts than the Chippendales - might not be suited. But it seems to be working for Helmsley, who's managing to pull in £1.5k in a good month.

I wonder where these women slip their tips.

According to Hemsley, his new financial solvency, has led to improved grades: "I’m now on track to get a 2:1 or first. I’m then hoping to do a master’s in law before becoming a solicitor."

Divorce lawyers, marriage contracts & proactive advice

2011-05-31T23:28:00.001+01:00

From Futurelawer.com 29/05/11:

Cracking! Let that be a lesson to everyone that prevention is better than cure!

We should also all be thankful that the lawyer didn’t start by asking, “what can I do you for?” Actually, surely that’d be a breach of the Solicitors’ Code of Conduct?

Oh, and seeing the word fiancé reminded me of something I overheard the other day. I haven’t ever struggled with this one but it’s such a helpful (and easily memorable) tip for those who have trouble differentiating their fiancé from their fiancée, just remember “two e’s = boobies"!

(And it works a treat… providing you don’t stray into grey areas such as a middle aged chap with ‘moobs’!)

Model lawyer struts her stuff

2011-05-30T21:25:00.001+01:00

From Roll on Friday 27/05/11:

For her 9 to 5, Lyndal Yaqub [pictured] toils away as an associate at Auckland firm Law & Associates, specialising in litigation and employment law. But for the rest of the time, Yaqub has a lucrative side-line as a model.

Law is not a profession known for its loveliness, [b]ut maybe things are different over in New Zealand, where Yaqub manages to juggle a burgeoning legal career - she qualified as a barrister and solicitor in 2005 - with a side-line in modelling with Scout International Models.

And whilst at first blush there seems to be a world of difference between the dry old world of lawyering and the glitz of modelling, she reckons there are clear similarities. "Litigation is about having a thick skin, being persuasive, and achieving positive results for your clients - as is modelling". And her employers have been generous enough to let her take time off for shoots on location or overseas.

Whilst she thinks of herself first and foremost as a lawyer, Yaqub explains "I continue to accept modelling assignments as I love to keep busy and it is a great way for me to inject some glamour into my life as a lawyer!"

Glamour is one word for it I guess. Call me a cynic, but I’ve always regarded modelling as something of a slippery slope into things a tad more sleazy. Let’s hope Yaqub doesn’t end up on page 3 of New Zealand’s version of the Daily Star offering up her nuggets of wisdom as to litigation strategy as well as a full-blown spread of her jahooblies.

House Move

2011-05-26T21:23:00.001+01:00

Apologies for the radio silence recently blawgwatchers; the Michael has been battling with a painfully stressful house move.

The good news is the worst is over (I think).

Rest assured - normal service shall resume shortly.

Employees & the right to erm … play at work

2011-05-22T21:58:00.001+01:00

From M24Digital 11/05/11:

A woman aged 36 was enabled by the justice [read court] to masturbate in her workplace because she has a strange disease.

This is the story of Ana Catarina Bezerra Silvares, an employee of an accounting firm, a divorced mother of three who lives in the village Vila Velha, Espírito Santo.

The woman suffers from a rare condition known as “compulsion orgasmic”, caused by a chemical alteration in the brain region of the cortex, which leads her to masturbate several times a day to relieve the deep anguish that it causes.

Under this circumstance, Bezerra started legal proceedings with the company where she works that eventually won and that enables to masturbate for 15 minutes every two hours, besides using the computer to see erotic images that stimulate her desire.

By the sounds of it, her desire doesn’t need any help being stimulated!!

The Brazilian newspaper North Regiao reported that the woman
confessed, “There was a day I had to masturbate 47 times”, adding: “I began to suppose that this could not be normal, and decided to seek help.”

Currently, Bezerra follows a treatment that includes a potent cocktail of sedatives which gets her to “only” masturbate 18 times a day.

I wonder whether an employment tribunal would have come to a similar conclusion should the situation have arisen in England or Wales. Does such a condition (assuming this is real*) constitute a disability for the purposes of disability discrimination under the Equality Act 2010? I’m no employment law expert but the definition of ‘disability’ for these purposes seems pretty broad.

*(I suspect ‘compulsion orgasmic’ is a rather clumsy translation – I can’t find much on Google about it, apart from this story. That said, am I getting the whiff of a fake story?)

I also wonder what arrangements the employer has had to make. Surely Silvares doesn’t just sit there in an open office, casually browsing porn and playing with herself? (Heck, that kind of thing has been known to draw an audience!) Couldn’t she scuttle off discreetly to the ladies loos when the need arises? If not, I hope she’s got a secluded office and protective cover on her office chair!!

Lawyers & the name game

2011-05-16T21:46:00.001+01:00

From Roll on Friday 19/04/11:

One's a Canadian tween singing sensation with a penchant for bowl cuts and slightly controversial anti-abortion soundbites; the other is a slope-shouldered lawyer from Pennsylvania with a penchant for personal injury and "creative litigation tactics". What they both share is the same name - Justin Bieber.

Justin M Bieber Esq., Attorney at Law - who "positions clients for the best possible results" and the value of whose hair is currently unknown.

I think being the namesake of Justin ~~Beiver~~ (sorry - Freudian slip) Beiber is a bit of a tough gig and, all things being equal, I don’t think it would do much for your legal career.

While it would probably generate plenty of additional traffic for your law firm’s website, it’s safe to assume it wouldn’t be very relevant. Plus, do you want your staff directory pages to be a point and giggle arena for the internet browsing public?

But that led me on to think: is a lawyer’s name important?

Are clients more inclined to hire people for legal representation with tough, ruthless sounding names or is having a soft, approachable kind of name best?

I think it’s safe to rule the following out, no matter what the answer:

Wright, Judge & Jury | Attorneys at Law

Howe, Dewey, Cheatem & Wynn | Attorneys at Law

Susan Liddy-Gates | Attorney at Law

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Or how about this one?

Hmmm… it’s a kind of chicken & egg question isn’t it?

But actually, there might really be something in this:

From Nancy’s Baby Names 20/08/09 (yes, REALLY):

Female Lawyers with Masculine Names Fare Better

A new pair of studies suggest that women with masculine names fare better in legal careers than women with feminine names.

The findings, published in the American Law and Economics Review, indicate that female lawyers with masculine names are more likely to be appointed as judges and earn more money than female lawyers with feminine names.

Not only that, but these likelihoods become stronger as the “masculinity” of the name increases. (A gender-neutral name has the weakest effect, while a name used almost exclusively for males has the strongest effect.)

Co-author Bentley Coffey [come again?] was so swayed by the outcome of his own study and he and his wife — who happens to be lawyer — named their daughter Collins.

Stone the crows!! I don’t think a chap called Bentley Coffey can ever be safely regarded as an authority on naming children.

One of the commenters thoughtfully pointed out:

[I]t seems to me that most classic female names — Catherine, Margaret, Jane, Anne, Kate, etc. — would do better professionally, generally speaking, than more ‘frivolous’ names like Brandy, Misty.

I don’t think it’s the case of Brandy and Misty being regarded as frivolous, but rather they’re just more suited for girls aspiring to be porn stars rather than lawyers.

But I kind of take the point.

Anyhow, do you regard YOUR ~~Christian~~ first name to be an advantage or a drawback to your legal career?

Put another way, do you blame or thank your parents?

Anatomy of an internet troll

2011-05-14T23:11:00.001+01:00

Hehe… love it!

From How to Geek

Fun with the search terms

2011-05-11T22:21:00.000+01:00

I don’t know if it’s just Law Actually, but my visitors seem to have gotten an awful lot dirtier recently. Some of the search terms they’ve punched into Google would make a whore blush, never mind their mothers.

Other terms they’ve used are frankly just disturbing. I don’t want to repeat any of them here, not only because I don’t want to lower the tone any more than I usually do (I know - amazing isn’t it?) but also because doing so will only push me further up the rankings for those dirty phrases, exacerbating the problem.

Anyway, here’s the latest batch of wacky search terms:

“baywatch shauni monobrow” - Oh come on - it was the 80s. Hairy was in, right?

“setting up a new personal injury firm” - oh God, not another one.

“Behind on prostitutes” - someone who searched for this and visited law actually 7 times in rapid succession. Just how behind was he? ;-)

“knocked over listening to iPod bruise can i claim” - nope, you brought it on yourself! :p

“LOVE BITES AND THE LAW” – Good book title there.

“i have been given the statutes for the law exam don't know how to revise” - I’d have said it was a bit late for you if you’re approaching the exams with that kind of question.

“accent at work that wasn't your fault” - I know, it was your damn parents, huh?

“dinner lady injured compensation” – Oh, don’t tell me: you got a Petits Filous in the eye - courtesy of an over-excited child?

“HOW CAN I GET CHEAPEST LLB DEGREE IN UK” - Oh honestly... we’ll be getting LLB comparison sites next! :p (p.s. I really love the caps - you can sense the desperation there).

“best surefire ways to get approved for disability for a back injury at work” - I smell a benefits cheat.

“unfair dismissal vomited over IT equipment” - urrgh, eeewwww!

“good uk law blog” - A Chinese visitor (well, they searched via the Chinese version of Google) from the University of Warwick. All I can say is that yay, you found law actually... but boo, you stayed for 0 seconds.

“you can't relax in the law” – Very true; my day is a veritable minefield of panic attacks.

“What is the labber law about labber law?” ???

“I need to revise lots of law for exams” – Yep. But what do you expect Google to do about it?

“what do lawyers write with? pen?” - Well, yes, funnily enough, often times they do.

“pupelage portal” - The ISP was identified as “Oxford University”. Oh dear... I knew standards were falling, but even so... ;-)

“idiots guide to pupillagae portal applications” - hehe - I love it. I bet you didn’t expect to find this!

“hate my courses llm” – Just quit then. The label of ‘law school drop-out’ isn’t so bad!

“don't let your husband see you naked” - oh, come on ladies: what kind of attitude is that? ;-)

“graduation anticlimax” - To the visitor from the University of Sheffield, chin up. You’ll get over it. (Given time).

“android sex doll 2011” - wow. hehe, I wonder if the visitor had ‘rooted’ it?

The end of the road for court stenographers

2011-05-05T22:12:00.001+01:00

From The Law Society Gazette 28/04/11:

The quiet tapping of the court stenographer will be silenced by next year to be replaced with a high-tech recording system.

The Digital Audio Recording Transcription and Storage (Darts) will begin rollout in June 2011 and finish in March 2012 at each of the 97 Crown and combined court sites in England and Wales.

Darts has been piloted at seven Crown Court sites since October 2009, and the Ministry of Justice said the system offers clear audio quality and backup, easy playback and a faster transcription service.

A spokesperson for Her Majesty’s Court and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) said the new technology will mean the end for court loggers during proceedings, with the system updated by court clerks when witnesses are called, evidence is given and points of law granted.

‘As this link between the systems has been built, there is no longer a requirement for HMCTS to continue to use loggers and stenographers,’ she added.

Oh no! I can’t help but feel that the loss of stenographers from the courts is a bit of a shame.
I wonder what the re-employment prospects are for these poor souls who have been put out to pasture?

And wasn’t their soft tapping slightly therapeutic? I’ve heard it rumoured that some of the more experienced ones tapped slightly louder when they sensed the judge was nodding off as well.

So who’s going to fulfil that role now they’re going?
Progress is painful sometimes.

Law Actually Mailbag – Lawyer or “Megistrate”?

2011-05-04T00:07:00.001+01:00

Another gem of an email plopped into my inbox a while ago.

dear michel,

i am garima from india and i wasnt to be a uk lawyer or megistrate. can u tell me what should be necessary pattern to follow...

kinda guide me..

thank you

garima

Well there ya go. Any advice for Garima? First things first, um, what are her chances - ALL things being considered?

Any ‘Megistrates’ out there who’d like to advise as to her best way forward? She’s not really fussy – she’ll happily be a lawyer in the UK instead.

~~Give me strength!!!~~

What I don’t really get is why someone would email a question like this when just a few minutes spent on Wikipedia would have made them much more knowledgeable. Had Garima done that, she probably wouldn’t have emailed me, but if she had, it would have likely been something much more intelligible and worthy of being answered.

Is that an unreasonable thought?

Oh well, Garima, you can’t win them all. And if you’re really set on a career in law, that’s a lesson you might as well learn sooner rather than later.

Just don’t count on me answering you anytime soon!

Law Actually

Asbestos dust and the corporate veil… revisited

BT pay the price for dodgy roadworks

That’s why punctuation exists

Text-o-rama – Personal Injury Spam

Geeks and sexual harassment

Shamed Solicitor faces the SRA

Demolition brings soup tragedy closure

A new broom sweeps clean

Lawtalk – Publication Review

Deadly New Year

The modern family Christmas experience?

Happy Blawgmas

Christmas-tree-itis

With solicitors, it’s all me, me, me

When Christmas tunes all get a bit much…

What to get a blogger for Christmas?

Christmas must be here again…

Solicitors made a ‘huge contribution’

Christmas tunes (for the UK economy)

Secret Santa & Donoghue v Stevenson

Google Chrome is now 2nd most popular browser

Dancing in Court

It just wasn’t top of mind

Black (pepper) Friday

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve done it?

Family lawyers are the most depressed, miserable, (and busy)

Bonfire Night Edition

Sinful Computer Keys

Legal Brand Names

Trick or Treating - 21st Century Style...

Payment Protection… lost in translation

Life as a modern law student - a few thoughts

Solicitor ‘Glamour’ – Real & Virtual

A sting in the tail

Do you worry about your performance as a blogger?

Speed reading Ts&Cs

Karaoke… for lawyers

Pet Peeves

Bare assed law

Money saving tips for law students

What is it with law and portals?

That’s… an interesting approach

Welcome to Goldeneye Law…

Studying Law – Intentions versus Reality

Crazy search terms strike again

Tourist offended by fish in harbour

Back to the grind…

Top three discrimination claims at Employment Tribunals

Normal service shall resume shortly

Ooh–piece of candy… Ooh–piece of candy…

Refreshingly honest legal recruitment ad? Oh wait...

Paintballing and popping jahooblies

Fear of email

In the nicker for the ice cream licker

RunPee – The best app since the fireometer?

Selling legal services with … y’know

Just when you thought it was safe: death by browser toolbars

Back seat driver (10) saves the day

LPC spam

Religion and discrimination claims – why let common sense get in the way?

Law School Magazine

Great Wireless Network Names

Graduate Careers Market – a voyage of discovery

Shopping Cart Cam

Barking up the wrong tree

F1 fans royally shafted – Parr for the course?

Legal Tightwads & Drinks Machines

Fed up of walking your dog?

Blogger’s brush with death

Lawyers + 2012 Olympics = Disaster

'appiness for employers

How to back up … correctly

Maybe it’s a cultural thing

Drunkards & Hand Sanitizer

Laptops in bed and cyber widows

Use of… etc.

The week my blog died

Path’s become ‘too dangerous for wheelchair’

­Owner’s Workshop Manual for Lawyers

Owner’s Workshop Manual for Lawyers