All spooked-out

With the 31^st October comes the annual ‘bracing oneself for pesky trick-or-treaters’.

Last year, as it turned out, we were worrying unnecessarily; not a single person knocked, rung the bell or 'put a window in'. Nor were we firebombed, egged or desecrated by graffiti . This year though I’ve taken the additional safety measures of electrifying the intercom button, strategically placing man-traps around the porch and lower windows as well as rigging the trusty ‘bucket of cold water’ trick over the first floor window.

So while my girlfriend and I sit around armed and ready, poised to exact revenge on any trick-or-treaters, we can console ourselves with the helpful poster published by the Devon and Cornwall police, to which I made a small modification. The idea being, of course, to conspicuously display this poster in your property in the hope it deters the spooked-up little beggars. Is it just me, or is this the ultimate ‘kick me’ sticker? Nothing quite says, “firebomb me – go on – light that firework and poke it through” quite as much as a ‘Sorry, no trick, no treat, no thanks’ sign.

Thanks for the help, PC Plod.