Tubby Trick-or-Treaters Refused Treats on Weight Grounds

From Think Progress.org 30/10/13:

In North Dakota, one woman is taking the issue of childhood obesity into her own hands. If any of the trick-or-treaters that knock on her door this Halloween are “moderately obese” — at least according to her own standards — she plans to give them a letter explaining why they shouldn’t be eating candy.

In an interview with local radio station […] the woman explained that she’s just trying to help encourage healthier habits. “I just want to send a message to the parents of kids that are really overweight… I think it’s just really irresponsible of parents to send them out looking for free candy just ’cause all the other kids are doing it,” she said.

How about simply giving kids healthy treats, such as fruit or a nut/seed/fruit mix?  That seems a far better option than singling the tubbier trick-or-treaters out for ridicule.  Discrimination is hardly going to help someone come to terms with any weight issues they might be experiencing.  And let’s remember: one person’s idea of ‘tubby’ might be another’s ‘scrawny’.

Or if a healthy food choice is still too risky (there is a lot of natural sugar in fruit after all), what about just not answering the door when trick-or-treaters call?  Aren’t most adults meant to spend 31 October hidden behind the sofa, pretending to be out, so as to avoid pesky trick-or-treaters?

For what it’s worth, we didn’t get any trick-or-treaters this year – none called after we arrived home from work at any rate.  After 5 or so years of being kept at the back of our store cupboard, the dreaded tub of pear drops we habitually dish out to trick-or-treaters as a punishment has finally been discarded.  After spending such a long time in storage, age had taken its toll and the contents of the tub had congealed into one big super-sweet.  The ants and other insects are going to love consuming that candy monstrosity now it’s been deposited into our composter.

All part of the circle of life, I guess.

Jimmy Savile Zombie pulled from Amazon

From Breaking News.ie 21/10/2013:

Yes, that's right - online retail giant Amazon have been forced to withdraw a Jimmy Savile Zombie Halloween costume from sale after a flurry of complaints.

[…] Jimmy Savile, the late UK TV presenter alleged to have sexually abused hundreds of young girls in the 1970s and 80s.

The costume, which had been available on Amazon for £14.99, included a metallic blue shell suit, pink glasses, medallion, fake cigar, platinum wig, face paint and a bottle of blood.

It was described on the site as "perfect for bad taste parties, dead celebrities and Halloween".

However the outfit was heavily criticised by children's charities and is now listed as 'currently unavailable'.

After all of the revelations of 2012, I think it would take a ‘special’ kind of person to wear a Jimmy Savile outfit – irrespective of the occasion. In fact, anybody who ever felt the need to dress up as him was probably making some kind of cry for help.

While I guess a human rights argument can always be wheeled out to support the notion that people should have free choice as to what they wear in public, there’s a broader public policy argument at play too. Quite aside from that, selling a Savile outfit is a PR disaster for any business and, for individuals, I can’t think of a graver example of poor taste. Actually, those words don’t even come close.

Inevitably, though, you’ve got to think there’ll come a time when the concept of a Savile costume becomes less repugnant, notwithstanding the fact his unique (read: warped) style of fashion was never exactly in vogue.  If people are now in the habit of attending fancy dress parties styled as Adolph Hitler, I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of the Jimmy Savile lookalikes.

Now that’s a disturbing thought.  Halloween is scary enough without that prospect.

The true meaning of Halloween

As we all know, Halloween Hallowe’en (let’s be correct here) is an opportunity to gorge on Mr Kipling’s wide variety of spooky-themed treats. The extent of his Halloween selection is simply staggering now.

Given the volume of them I’ve consumed over the past few weeks, I regard myself as something of an expert in Halloween cakes. 

I am a particular fan of:

• Fiendish Fancies (you can’t quite beat the orangey icing (Paul Hollywood & Mary Berry would be proud of these sumptuous delicacies!!)  
• Cinder Toffee Cake Bars (the taste of that cinder toffee is unparalleled).
• Frankenstein Fancies (I’ve only had one box, courtesy of my gf and Tescos – Sainsbury’s don’t sell them for some reason. I can’t help feeling that “Mr Kippers” as I affectionately call him, missed a trick here by not flavouring the lime green icing a err, lime flavour.)
• Shock and Orange Slices (they’re coloured orange, but aren’t flavoured so). They break the other treats up rather nicely.
• Sainsbury’s Halloween Orange Flavoured Donuts (I know they’re not from the Mr Kipling range, but I simply had to mention them. I absolutely dread to think how many boxes of these I’ve consumed over the past 5 / 6 weeks.)

Nom, nom, nom… much too nice for children.

Sadly, I didn’t quite get around to making my chocolate covered apples on a stick (you know, that were all the rage back in the mid-nineties). I notice that supermarkets are still selling the rather disappointing toffee apples, but you can’t find a chocolate coated apple for love nor money. I’m hoping to fix that shortly (as soon as my wooden sticks arrive from Amazon!!).

We also took the time to carve a jack-o-lantern this year, who turned out to be a ghoulishly handsome little fellow. Marmite has been eying him suspiciously all evening.

All in all, it’s been a belter of a Halloween.

I’m also pleased to report that in our 6th year of being poised in readiness for trick or treaters, we FINALLY, FINALLY got some descend on us this year.  My girlfriend (initially caught unawares) dispensed some of my Mr Kipling Halloween goodies to early callers, before she dug out that bumper canister of pear drops (which have a best before date of September 2009) we’ve been keeping to palm off on unsuspecting kids for the past few years. Let’s hope we’re able to get rid of some more next year, too.

Pumpkin Carving Injuries (and how to avoid them)

From Smithsonian.com 26/10/12:

In 2004, a team from [New York] decided to investigate the potential risks of pumpkin carving, comparing the threats posed by conventional kitchen knives with those of other tools specifically intended for pumpkins.

“Even with optimal treatment, injuries from pumpkin carving accidents may leave people with compromised hand function,” they wrote. Common pumpkin-carving injuries come in a number of forms: hand punctures, resulting from instances where a knife is accidentally pushed through the pumpkin and contacts the opposite hand stabilizing it; and lacerations, caused by the cutting hand slipping off the knife handle and sliding across the blade.

Because of these risks, many companies market pumpkin-specific carving tools, claiming that they’re safer than sharp knives.

In order to find such evidence, they compared various carving instruments—a serrated kitchen knife, a plain knife and two brands of pumpkin-specific tools — by placing each one in the grip of a hydraulic press and carefully measuring exactly how much force needed to be applied to pierce into a pumpkin and to lacerate a human hand.

Ooh – I’m getting queasy here.

Since live volunteers for such an experiment might not be all that plentiful, they used six cadaver hands, harvested at the elbow.

Fancy that.

^{Yes, it is… if you do it like this!!} 

In the first stage of the study, when the implements were tested on a pumpkin, each one was pushed into the squash’s flesh at the rate of 3 mm per second. The pumpkin-specific instruments performed as advertised, cutting into the pumpkins more easily than the kitchen knives. Theoretically, if less force is needed to actually carve the pumpkin, the risk of pushing too hard and accidentally cutting yourself should be lower.

Ah – the old “a sharp tool is always safer” theory. There’s a lot to be said for it.

In the second phase, each of the cutting tools was tested on the cadaver hands in two different ways: the researchers measured how much force was needed to lacerate the finger and to puncture the palm. In this case, the kitchen knives cut more easily into the hands, requiring less force and causing “more skin lacerations that would require suturing than either pumpkin knife.” When it comes to hands, the knives were more dangerous.

Sorry – I just fainted at my desk. I used to be fine with blood and things but in the last few years, I go weak at the knees and collapse at the mere mention of it.

The researchers’ conclusions? “Tools designed specifically for pumpkin carving may indeed be safer.

Personally, I just prefer to use chainmail gloves. That way, you can throw caution to the wind and hack it about like Michael Myers might carve a pumpkin when he’s in a rush.*

Or, as I read in a craft activity book as a kid, where there’s any cutting with a knife to be done, locate an adult to do it for you. That way, if anyone’s going to cut themselves, it won’t be you.

Sage advice if you ask me.

^{*Not to be tried at home.}

Trick or Treating - 21st Century Style...

Halloween is a scary, dangerous time. Just making a Jack O’ Lantern gets me all of a quiver, what with the presence of raw vegetables, sharp knives and a lighted candle.

As well as the possibility of having Michael Myers lurking around the next corner, there are hazards to be found (and injuries avoided) with even the most innocuous of trick or treating adventure.  Still, whilst I’m all for a safety first approach, it can be overdone. 

From isurfhopkins.com:

Dressing up and trick-or-treating is a treasured part of childhood. To keep the evening’s fun meter on high, the Center for Disease Control and other health and safety groups advise:

Allowing children to go out during daylight hours only, unless accompanied by a responsible adult.

But it gets dark early at this time of year. And trick or treating at 3 in the afternoon just isn’t the same. Still, you could always give the kids dark glasses to give the impression of night.

Never allowing small children to go out alone on Halloween. Make sure an older sibling or adult is with them.

Why let them go out at all? Bad things happen out of doors & it’s far safer to leave them locked up in the attic. If you have to let kids go trick or treating, it should be carried out via Skype only!!

Planning a safe route and knowing where your older children are at all times. Set a time for their return home.

I’d suggest having them on a bungee cord – you can yank them back at the appropriate time then.

Instructing them to stop only at familiar houses in your own neighborhood unless you or another responsible adult is with them.

(In which case, go ape sh*t).

Instructing them not to eat any treats until they bring them home to be examined.

All treats should be forensically examined before being consumed. DNA data (for the purposes of elimination – and incriminating potential suspects - having been collected from ‘treaters’ in advance.

Instructing them not to go into the home of a stranger or get into anyone’s car.

Where’s the rape alarm, mace spray and Nunchaku?

Making sure the trick-or-treaters carry a flashlight, glow stick or have reflective tape on their costumes so they are more visible to cars.

I’d dunk my child in day-glo paint.

Letting them know that they should stay together as a group if they go trick-or-treating without an adult.

Yep – no loners at Halloween. It’s scary out there!!

Apple, Apple, Toil and Trouble…

From the Metro 29/10/10:

 

Apple bobbing is a traditional game to play on Halloween but health chiefs say the ‘dangerous’ activity could end up leaving you blind.

A ‘high velocity impact with an apple’ has the potential to cause serious eye injury while unclean water could lead to infection, officials say.

They recommend wearing goggles, disinfecting water containers and removing apple stalks before dunking your head into a bowl of water to retrieve the fruit.

An eye expert even suggested children remove the floating apples with their hands instead of their mouth, in a new twist on the Halloween game.

They also warned of the dangers of fancy-dress contact lenses, which could cause irritation, and lanterns – because people occasionally hit their head on them. ‘Casualty staff have seen children and adults turning up on Halloween with scratches on the cornea and blunt eye injuries from impacts caused by apple bobbing,’ said consultant ophthalmologist Parwez Hossain.

Anybody who caught the brand spanking new Poirot in the week, will no doubt subscribe to the view that bobbing for apples can prove entirely dangerous to your health (particularly if you’ve been boasting openly shortly beforehand that you saw a murder several years ago)!!!
BTW – I’m only halfway through watching it on ITV Catchup – so please, no spoilers in the comments!

So, besides being drowned in the water, there are a bunch of other risks which bobbers have to face.

Perhaps most seriously, there’s the remote possibility of a child actually getting a bite out of one the apples and obtaining some vitamins from it. Given that the typical British child seems to survive on the fruits of the Colonel’s efforts down at KFC or by woofing down a Mc-something-or-other-with-cheese, a whole chunk of apple might send their digestive systems into meltdown.

Parents of a litigious nature are advised to fit head-cams to their kids’ costumes this Halloween which can record the negligent acts or omissions of other parents who dare to allow apple bobbing to take place. For parents planning on letting their child host a Halloween party in the family home (or otherwise under their control), the advice is to hire a lifeguard for the evening and have a carpet shampooer on standby.

Oh, and make sure you’ve plenty of liability insurance, too!

Trick or Treat Sweets

Just the thing to offer the kids who come knocking at my front door trick or treatin’ tonight.  Oh, I forgot – sweets aren’t accepted any longer.  Kids operate a ‘cash only’ policy now. 

I’d better turn all the lights off and pretend we’re out then.

Found on Chicago Now (via Digg – as usual).

Trick or Treat, Smell My Feet

I overheard an undergrad talking earlier about what antics he intended getting up to tonight.  Eggs, flour and alcohol coupled with a vampire fancy dress outfit seemed to be the key ingredients he thought necessary for a good Halloween party.  I think him being scraped up off the pavement at some point by his buddies or the local constabulary was also very much on the cards.  Oh to be an undergrad again!  :-\

Following on from yesterday, I couldn't resist seeing what other goodies Devon and Cornwall police had made available for householders to download this Halloween.  I was particularly interested to read some of the tips they recommended to trick-or-treaters for a 'fun and safe' Halloween:

If you are wearing a mask, make sure that you can see where you are going and are aware of your surroundings.

Carry a torch and a fully charged mobile phone (if you have one). 

Oh the joys of being a modern trick-or-treater, eh?

Halloween Time

As we approach 31^st October it seems that this year more than ever Halloween is going to pass me by completely. That said, I do anticipate a little more trouble in the way of trick-or-treaters than we suffered with last year.

As I posted 12 months ago, the police had questionably made a poster available which people could download, print out and display in their front windows in the hope of deterring trick-or-treaters from importuning them. My sentiments at the time were that such a course of action would only encourage trick-or-treaters to unleash their worst on your house and other property, simply making you a greater and more obvious target for attack. So, being the trooper that I am, I couldn’t help making a slight alteration to that poster, making it more reflective or people’s real feelings towards trick-or-treaters. Remember?

Being in a house this time instead of a first floor flat presents me with yet another difficulty, especially as there are quite a few families in the area: Do I answer the door to callers on the 31^st and make the most of the opportunity to get rid of the bag of cola cubes that have been sitting in the kitchen cupboard since we moved in or hide shamefully in in the hope that the trick-or-treaters get bored and go away? But let's remember here: the days when kids gracefully accepted sweets when calling on Halloween are long gone.  Nowadays, the only treat they're interested in is the one they can spend in a nearby shop. Worse still, is that if your treat isn't considered up to scratch, they soon let you know about it, usually in a way which needs cleaning up and/or repairing for several hours the next day. My girlfriend is working tomorrow evening, too, so instead of going to see the premiere of Quantum of Solace as per our original plan, I’m going to have the guard the house alone and make these difficult judgement calls on my lonesome. Damn.

All spooked-out

With the 31^st October comes the annual ‘bracing oneself for pesky trick-or-treaters’.

Last year, as it turned out, we were worrying unnecessarily; not a single person knocked, rung the bell or 'put a window in'. Nor were we firebombed, egged or desecrated by graffiti . This year though I’ve taken the additional safety measures of electrifying the intercom button, strategically placing man-traps around the porch and lower windows as well as rigging the trusty ‘bucket of cold water’ trick over the first floor window.

So while my girlfriend and I sit around armed and ready, poised to exact revenge on any trick-or-treaters, we can console ourselves with the helpful poster published by the Devon and Cornwall police, to which I made a small modification. The idea being, of course, to conspicuously display this poster in your property in the hope it deters the spooked-up little beggars. Is it just me, or is this the ultimate ‘kick me’ sticker? Nothing quite says, “firebomb me – go on – light that firework and poke it through” quite as much as a ‘Sorry, no trick, no treat, no thanks’ sign.

Thanks for the help, PC Plod.