Speed reading Ts&Cs

Lawyers are always reckoned to be the guiltiest when it comes to failing to read terms and conditions properly (outside the course of work, that is!!)

So you’re not alone in happily planting a tick in the ‘yep I’ve read and digested each of the terms’ box before ordering something online – (when, in fact, you’ve done no such thing). 

Ahem. 

So far as the least-read documents on earth are concerned, I think EULAs just edge out the terms of most online stores.  And what’s the harm, scooting down to the bottom and emphatically whacking the ‘I Accept’ radio button when you’re installing something? After all, Microsoft haven’t come over and sued your sweet merry ass yet, right? 

Better watch it though: you might just be caught out.

Nah… Redmond wouldn’t have the sense of humour for that! 

Found here.

Karaoke… for lawyers

Lawyers aren’t particularly renowned for letting their hair down, so what better way to help them unwind than with free-flowing tequila, a stage and a good ol’ karaoke machine.

Professional etiquette might prohibit traipsing over to the entertainment hall at Butlins and getting down and dirty with a Britney Spears rendition but even personal injury lawyers have to cut loose occasionally.  They can’t spend all their time ambulance chasing.

So, in a first of its kind ‘Karaoke for Lawyers’ (sponsored by Law Actually - of course) is coming to a bar near you.  Here are some of the songs currently available.

“Pink -  just like APIL” - inspired by a search term from one of my wacky readers...

Elvis Presley - “law me tender” - an obvious choice, but we’ve just gotta have a bit of Elvis.

“ABBA - money, money, money” - again, horribly obvious but hey-ho.  All lawyers have a reputation (rightly or wrongly) for being evil, money-grabbing bast*rds.  Why not play to it?  Literally.

“Law Shine alight” - to bring back that warm fuzzy (and slightly cringe-worthy feeling) that came with winning Eurovision in ‘97).

Fatboy Slim - “I left my briefcase in el segundo” (we’ve all been there after all..)

All suggestions welcome.   (Btw, I’d love a Britney Spears number if anyone can think of a ‘legalised’ song title).

Please note: accomplished vocalists need not apply... we kind of want that ‘strangling a cat’ sound.

Pet Peeves

Come on - admit it: we all have them.  Some of us just seem to have more than others.  Here are 5 I’m currently struggling along with.  There are lots more, believe me.

1. The flailing arms of ‘large’ pedestrians when they’re walking out and about and any other pavement hoggers or those wandering aimlessly talking on their phones. Seriously, talk about asking for what you get...  
   I’m something of a passive aggressive pedestrian and I’ll happily ‘pull a manoeuvre’ on you - Michael Schumacher style.  
   
2. People who bring their bikes on a train (or anywhere in a railway station).  YOU people….!!!
   
3. Email - yeah, (as I’ve already admitted .. I can’t cope with it.)  But I think I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact I can’t cope.  So at least I can say I’m coping with not coping.  Which is an improvement.
   
4. Phones vibrating on desks.  Heck, my blood pressure’s up just thinking about it.
   
5. Name shortening - particularly mine.  I don’t really like my name (who does?), but I can tolerate it providing it’s not shortened to ‘Mike’.  Seriously, if there’s one way to royally p*ss me off, that’s it.

I know - grumpy aren’t I?  But it doesn’t make me any less grumpy when the fact is pointed out. 

Bare assed law

From Roll on Friday 07/10/11:

The clients of a legal aid lawyer have recreated a John Lennon and Yoko Ono magazine cover to support her fight to keep her practice.

Yvonne Hossack has dedicated her legal career to helping vulnerable people and, in particular, is known for her work on behalf of care home residents facing eviction. She's acted for over 2,000 clients, saved care homes from closure and taken cases to Strasbourg.

But it's not been an easy ride: her firm has lost over £100,000 in the last year and she's been fighting a battle against the Legal Services Commission which refused Hossack's application for a legal aid contract (citing incorrectly filled out forms).

Down with those bureaucrats, I say!

Therefore former clients Roger Kinsey, 66, and his wife Chris, 58 …have decided to draw some attention to her plight by recreating Lennon and Ono's 1968 Rolling Stone cover.

Explaining their decision to get their kit off to the Northamptonshire Evening Telegraph the couple said "we were young and full of hope for the future when this magazine cover was released and now....we are saddened that vulnerable people are facing huge cuts in services."

Christ!  Aren’t we all!  But good on the Kinseys for doing something.

I’m all for taking your clothes off in the name of the law - particularly for a cause as worthy legal aid. In fact, I’m thinking of holding a demonstration of my own. 

But please, let’s not have any, ‘the law is an ass’ jokes. I’m trying desperately to raise the tone at Law Actually after all.

Money saving tips for law students

Continuing my ‘back to school’ series for law students, next up is saving money and general thriftiness.  Now freshers week is a distant memory, it might be time for a bit of common sense and sound judgement when it comes to finances..

I admit it’s a bit of a quirky list, but it should prove a useful starter for ten for any law student.

• Budgeting: if you’re concerned about your willpower and general prudence with suddenly having so much money, create a separate bank account for the first term taking just under a third out. Go mental with it and enjoy yourself. Then grow the hell up.
  
  
• Don't bother with expensive screen wipes for your laptop. Instead, keep the free ‘freshen up’ wipes you get given when ordering a KFC and use those instead.
  
  
• Buying the previous edition of textbooks second hand is a false economy. The hassle of having to update them / always wondering whether the content deals with the most recent law means it’s worth paying more for the convenience.  
  
  
• If you get a part time job, make sure the emphasis is on the ‘part’.  Anything more than 12 hours a week is silly - unless you’re planning on aiming for a ‘desmond’ 2:2 … or worse...?  Your call, partner.  ;-)
  
  
• Don’t buy your textbooks all in one go.  You'll over-purchase and regret it. 
  
  
• Thinking of adding a legal dictionary to your shopping list?  Seriously, don't bother.  
  
  
• If you’re in rented accommodation avoid putting the heating on.  Instead, call your partner around for a bit of 'afternoon delight' - the thrifty way of warming up.  If in halls of residence, however, get every damn penny out of them you can.  A free ‘n’ easy approach is recommended re. lights and heating and, as far as water is concerned, consider opening a bottled water business - Delboy style.
  Finally (and this is a personal favourite of mine), always nick the vacuum cleaner for the block, keep it in your room for the term before returning it.  An alternative might be pawning it on the final day.  
  
  
• Bum as many free meals as possible.  
  
  
• And talking of bums, don’t bother buying toilet rolls.  Your university have plenty.  Make sure you stock up whenever nature calls on campus.
  
  
• Always down the union?  Don't - corridor parties are far cheaper.
  
  
• Cold feet?  Fashion your partner’s underwear  into thongs, saving the material as insoles for your shoes in the winter.  See - everyone’s a winner!  ;-)

What is it with law and portals?

From the Lawyer 19/09/11:

Lawyers were told earlier this year that to stay on the roll they would need to ­register between 30 August and 14 October - only then could they submit their applications before the deadline of 8 November.

Complaints were made after the site’s launch was delayed by several days and passwords were rejected.

“It took me 10 days to ­register,” one lawyer said. “It was a long process and the system just kept coming up with complete gibberish messages. I called the SRA twice and they couldn’t help - they said the deadline wouldn’t be extended.

“The problem is that everyone will leave it until the last minute and then there’ll be a deluge and it will go into meltdown.”

An SRA spokesman said that so far 25,000 solicitors out of 165,000 had registered online and ­activations have risen to 3,000 per day.

“Implementing [the] mySRA [system] signals a step change in the way ­regulated individuals and firms will access our ­services in future,” said the spokesman. “We’d like to apologise to anyone who has experienced difficulties ­trying to log on to mySRA. Despite extensive testing prior to launch, there have been some ­initial problems.

Two things immediately strike me from this.

Firstly, mySRA is a horrible name and is worrying close to the killer hospital bug MRSA.  Given the atrocity of MySRA that solicitors up and down the country have had to suffer through, I think the name is scarily apt.

Secondly, why is it any portal concerning law or anything legally related turns into a disaster.

Early attempts at the Land Registry portal anyone?  And how about the Pupillage Portal for crying out loud.  Now MySRA. 

Holy Cripes!

That’s… an interesting approach

 

If you find the average EULA (End User Licence Agreement) a touch trying for its verbosity, awkwardness and generally unappealing nature, how does the above grab ya?

The lawyer in me is screaming in pain at this. The free-radical hippie undercurrent(that’s probably more under than current) is whooping for joy.

Found here.