Law Actually is recruiting...
Law Actually is a UK-based global leader* in the blawgosphere.
Who the frick are we kidding?!?!?
After being repeatedly driven to distraction by an unmanageable list of Google Reader subscriptions, editor-in-chief (the Michael) has decided to recruit someone to do it for him and report back providing a digest of all the blogs and blawgs and other stuff out there he regularly peruses.
We’re looking for an enthusiastic and hardworking individual, driven to succeed (
you know, all the usual bits of airy-fairy recruitment mumbo-jumbo which job descriptions are full of these days). The ability to organise and assimilate vast amounts of information is crucial yadda yadda yadda.
You should be familiar with Google Reader (for hopefully obvious reasons) but hey, training can be provided ‘on the job’ if required.
We’re looking for a candidate to grow with us.
(we’ll put you in traction if necessary!!)
The ability to read is a must; the ability to understand what is read a distinct bonus.
Candidates should ideally be educated to degree level having obtained ‘a Desmond’ (2:2 :p ) or higher. That said, we’re not hugely fussed so if you’re not a graduate or made an absolute balls-up of your degree, all is not lost. Experience of law is preferable, but not essential.
A word of warning: free-thinking and creative individuals need not apply – you’ll only get bored and give notice within a week, so let’s not waste each other’s time.
The successful candidate should
very likely be a female, 18 to 30,* be dynamic, self-disciplined and able to work as a valued part of a team or individually with curves in all the right places, and an ample bosom.* *comments officially redacted following employment law advice (God knows why).
We’re looking for a candidate with a "Strong Work Ethic" (note the capitals there – we copied it off of another job description so we’re assuming it’s a term of art..). Put another way, we are less keen on those who are sloppy, slapdash, couldn’t-give-a-toss kind of employees (but hey, in these tolerant days of non-discrimination, you might as well apply).
Competent telephone manner (see... only ‘competent’ ... we’re not asking the earth here). As long as you can pick up the phone when it rings, know how to dial numbers and speak (English), you should be fine. Plus, we’re not adverse to a bit of back-chat at Law Actually particularly when the moron on the other end of the line is ‘asking for it’.
The successful candidate must also be able to f
acilitate with ease with technical concepts and details of managing data for our projects to ensure that the client’s deliverables are on time and on budget. OK – scrap that. We don’t know what any of that means either.
(Oh, we don’t tolerate smokers by the way, so any fag-ash Lils or Lennies out there need not apply!).
Your role will include:
· Reading Google Reader subscriptions (it’s a kind of what-it-say-on-the-tin job description).
· ... and that’s about it.... there might be the odd errand you’ll be sent on.
Competitive (GRIN) negotiable. You should be keen to go above and beyond - working some months without pay.
This is a fulltime role (although flexibility is called for).
- use of a computer (with a cutting edge operating system Windows Vista – pronounced “veeee-sta” or so Huw Edwards claimed).
- Law Actually branded bumper stickers
- use of uni-sex toilets (we reserve the right to charge on a per-flush basis, though).
Law Actually is an equal opportunities employer (if anyone asks).
Please email your C.V. with a description saying why you think you’d be a good fit for the role to: email@example.com
Oh – and for the avoidance of doubt, this job DOES NOT EXIST. (Let’s call it a belated April fool).