‘Spike Away’ vest turns commuters into hazardous porcupines

From the Huffington Post 04/12/13:

Sick of your face being shmooshed into someone's armpit? Your head being used as a book rest? Feeling violated before you've even got into work?

Err, yes, yes and yes.  On a daily basis.

Cramped commuters of the world rejoice, a young designer has come up with the perfect solution.

Siew Ming Cheng has evidently had enough of rush hour on the Singapore subway.

Those space-invading commuters have brushed up against, knocked and pushed her one too many times, and now the young creative is declaring war on space snatchers with special body armour: the Spike Away vest.

Explaining her idea she said: "A quick brainstorming leads to a everyday situation. Trains are usually crowded during peak hours. Everybody will push each other to try and get onto the train.

"How can I protect my personal space? The idea was then conceived. 'What if I wear a vest that is full of spikes?'"

Yikes. That really could have someone’s eye out!  Just look at the reaction of the chap on the left. Pictures really do tell a thousand words.

Plus, wouldn’t it make it tricky to wear back-pack or other shoulder bag?

Quirky though it is, I fear the Spike Away vest may never make it past the ‘proof of concept’ stage. Every time it’s used, the wearer is potentially inviting dozens of personal injury claims being brought against them, not to mention the risk of being dragged off the train or bus head first and given a thorough beating.  Have you seen some of the people travelling on the tube?!?

And whilst it might help to encourage some people to keep their distance, the vest doesn’t appear to offer much protection from opportunistic gropers on the prowl.  ‘Bum grazing’, as I’ve heard it called, is rife on on the underground!

iPop – Woman’s fake boob explodes after lying on floor to play phone game

That thing exploded I tell you.  EXPLODED!

Story at: NY Daily News 26/06/13:

A Chinese woman's breast implant exploded after she lay on her stomach playing an iPhone game for four hours, it's claimed.

Doctors think the poor quality of the fake boob, combined with the pressure placed on them for such a long time, caused it to rupture.

This should come as a stark warning to gamers (or anyone sporting a silicon-enhanced chest): you need to take care of those sweater puppies when lying on hard floors. Surely your surgeon warned you…

The woman had been playing "Dragon Summoner" in bed when she felt a searing pain in her chest.

I hope the paramedics gave the woman her phone back on the way to hospital. Why let a medical emergency get in the way of gaining extra ‘achievement unlocked’ points?

I wonder if any claim-snouting ambulance-chasing lawyers were in hot pursuit. After all, there’s a potential medical negligence claim in there somewhere (besides the smell of burst silicone, of course).

So if you’ve suffered a breast implant explosion (whether a result of gaming, paintballing or otherwise), rest assured there are lawyers out there who can help. 

Let’s hope she’s back on the game soon.  You know, I mean playing the game.

April Skewers (and novel umbrellas)

From the Telegraph 10/04/12:

The Nubrella, which resembles a bubble wrapped around the user's head and shoulders, works by strapping on a shoulder support and extending a canopy around the head. Weighing just over 1kg, it costs £40 and comes in either black or see-through style.

Inventor Alan Kaufman, 49, from Florida, said: "The major advantage is the wearer doesn't have to carry anything when not in use as it goes behind the head like a hood.

Hmmm. Possibly.

In high winds, though, I think it’s still going to suffer from the same trouble as conventional umbrellas, only now it could garrotte you into the bargain!  If you got a strong and unexpected gust of wind up under the Nubrella, you might suddenly find yourself generating more lift than a Boeing triple 7 on take-off; there’s no telling where you’ll end up or whether your head will still be connected to your body in any meaningful way when you land.  Cue the neck injury claims, eh?

Talking of which, aren’t pedestrians just lethal with umbrellas when you’re trying to manoeuvre down a pavement?  How more eyes aren’t jabbed out by careless umbrella users is beyond me. I’ve had a few close shaves myself.

"The umbrella was long overdue for some innovation, now people can ride their bikes and work outdoors completely hands free while staying protected.

Goodness. I hope it’s properly earthed. I’m assuming that asking for it to act as a Faraday cage should you be struck by a stray bolt of lightning is a bit too much to ask?

Thought so. Maybe that’s coming in the next gen model?

"Millions of people are required to work outdoors no matter what the conditions are and simply can't hold an umbrella and perform their tasks

Can’t they do the ‘handless phone hold position’ and cradle wedge it against their jaw and collar bone? I tried doing that with a torch the other day when I was DIY-ing I the loft – with near disastrous consequences. Maybe there is a need for this after all.

Christmas-tree-itis

From the Telegraph 18/12/11:

The condition – "Christmas Tree Syndrome" – is caused by mould growing on the trees, whose spores lead to problems when breathed in.

It has been discovered by scientists from Upstate Medical University, part of the State University of New York, who carried out research after observing a peak in respiratory illnesses in the weeks either side of December 25.

The team analysed clippings from 28 Christmas trees including needles and bark, from a range of species, and found 53 cases of mould.

Of these, 70 per cent can cause symptoms including itchy noses, watery eyes, coughing, shortness of breath, chest pains, sinus congestion, feelings of fatigue and problems sleeping.

Some of the mould identified can even lead to long term lung problems and conditions such as bronchitis and pneumonia.

The mould occurs on the trees naturally, but thrives in the warm conditions of a well-heated home at Christmas.

So it’s not just that seasonal, alpine aroma that I’ve brought into my home. It’s a mould infestation!!!!

Actually. Wait. Sniff again. Smell that?

Yes, I thought so too. It smells like a product liability claim doesn’t it?
Well, would you Adam-n-Eve it?

And I thought the only risk would be slipping over on a bauble, tripping on a length of tinsel or choking on a chocolate tree decoration.

Perhaps all trees should be ‘sheep dipped’ in an anti mould solution or blasted with the same stuff prior to sale. Or how about wrapping the whole tree in polythene for the duration it’s up in the house? Putting the onus on the poor consumer having to hose it down in the garden once they’ve got it home (as per Dr Kurlandsky’s suggestion) doesn’t seem quite right to me.

We put our own tree up on Saturday at Law Actually HQ. (A real one, obviously). I was surprised that of the multiple tags looped to the trunk, none included some kind of disclaimer (for the non-death or personal injury elements, anyway).