Yes, they’re back: Wacky Search Terms

It’s been a while since I’ve done a wacky search terms post, in which I document the various weird and wonderful phrases people have Googled and gone on to stumble across Law Actually.

I thought it was high time they made a reappearance; think of it as an early Christmas special.


“is it a leggal for kid over 13 to trick a treat” Well, deciphering your question, I would say, yes, but only with his mummy's permission!  ;-)

“flying cow storm” - wow... is that like something out of the bible?

“how do lawyers use dictaphone” – well, funnily enough, they speak into them.

“disposable fountain pen and how useless they are” – you get what you pay for!  :p

“post man sues grit” - I hope grit’s got a good lawyer!

“poking yourself in the eye with a biscuit and missing your mouth” - what kind of person a) does this and b) googles it?!  And doesn’t the second bit necessarily follow – unless, of course, this person routinely eats through their eye.

“what ever happened to the girl that fell down the sewer?” – she got very wet and very stinky.

“how do they catch pervs” - with a perv-net of course.

“what is the law in britain about boys using ladies toilets” Check out section 3 (1) of the Public Toilets Act 1982 - (otherwise known as the ‘caught short’ provisions).

“will my lpc provider tell me they have reported me to the sra” - oh God, just turn yourself in now.

“Student mneumonics for contract Law” - student what?  :p

“google solicitors from hell then go to heaven law for less” Hmm.

“how to break into the paralegal law profession in England” - brute force, best ram it in a transit van.

“what can LLB lead to” - lots of debt.

“speeding but i can't afford solicitor” – diddums – you should have thought of that before.

“pornography and injuries” - to the reader from Germany who searched for this, I hope it was nothing serious and everything’s back in full working order!  ;-)

“are law students really mean” - I'm saying nothing.

“lawyer block” - a free add-on for Firefox and Chrome?

“santa claus - criminal record checks uk” - If you discovered he's on the sex offenders register, I don't think you'd ever regard Christmas in the same way again.

“injured big swell and struck bond fingers at work claim” - you've done what exactly?  I hope you called your doctor and lawyer, not necessarily in that order.


  1. Very funny and equally disturbing!

  2. I suspect "santa claus - criminal record checks uk" is one of these questions where if you have to ask the question the answer is "no way".

  3. Gemma - yep, I bet your readers aren't as weird! ;-)

    Stephen - very true. I've always been a bit suspicious of anyone who volunteers to dress up like Santa and invite kids to sit on their lap. Hopefully it's just the show-off/Thespian in them, rather than anything more sinister.

    They are never very convincing imo anyway - even when kids still believe.

  4. I suspect it might be the market in action. Richard Attenborough does a very convincing Santa for example but no shopping centre can seriously afford to pay Richard Attenborough to dress up in a red suit and talk to kids all day.

  5. I'd love it if his younger bro had a bash at playing santa.

    I wonder if he'd launch into documentary-narration mode as he's talking to the kids.

    ... "And the portly, bearded fellow, dressed all in red fur and gum boots, reaches into his sack full of toys, and bestows to the eager child, a gift of the most paltry nature."

    (You've got to imagine the D.A. voice) ;-)

  6. I would definitely buy the 30 DVD boxset of that.


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