Toilet Trouble

caught shortFrom Huffington Post 13/03/12:

The capital of New Jersey is at risk of running out of toilet paper thanks to a budget stalemate between the mayor and the city council.

Dear oh dear. That could lead to some sticky tricky situations in cubicles throughout the Garden State’s capital. Oooh.  [Where’s that steaming pile of sh*t emoticon when you need it?]

Supplies are already desperately low at government buildings including City Hall and according to Bloomberg News, there will be none left at all by March 16, unless the expense is approved.

Adult nappies at the ready, then.

George Muschal, who represents the city’s South Ward said the council is also concerned the Mayor did not solicit bids from Trenton-based suppliers and voiced suspicions that Mack’s paper order had been unnecessarily large because employees could be stealing the products for use at home.

Stealing toilet roll? Oh I can’t believe that! That’s something I would never advocate. Ahem.

But what about a ‘bring your own’ policy to eradicate the problem of disappearing toilet roll?  It might also have the beneficial side effect of reducing prolonged toilet breaks and discouraging the habitual shirkers who seem to think they’ve got the right to come to work and be paid to leisurely wander off to the loos with a newspaper under their arm to crap like donkeys a couple of times each day.  ‘Number Twos in the Workplace’ is a frequent talking point for my GF and I in which we lambast (we do a lot of that) society’s shrinking sense of shame. Seriously: just do it at home people. Or wear an adult nappy.

Toilet facilities at work seem to be an open target for abuse; the company for which I work, for instance, have to keep Dynorod on speed-dial. They’re out here unblocking the U-bends so frequently we should be eligible for ‘mates rates’ by now.  Personally, I think the water board should also be charging us additional rates for the pounding the sewerage system is taking thanks to my colleagues’ over-active bowels.

You take your life in your hands walking into the gents’ sometimes. There’s nothing worse than hitting a ‘wall of smell’ where the air is so thick you could practically chew on it.

At Law Actually, we operate a strict tinkle-only policy and ‘drip detection flooring’ which sets off alarms so that guilty parties face a walk of shame back to their desks. Personally, I think it’s a great policy and should be rolled out to all workforces in the UK.


  1. In my workplace we are the frequent recipients of the irate emails from facilities management, detailing why people need to flush toilets, and leave them in a hygienic matter (it's best not to enquire too closely on the exact details of what horrors are found in the loos).

    Seriously - what do these people do when they're at home? Employ a small child to flush their toilets, as they find it too challenging? And we too appear to be Dynorod hotdial customers - I have no idea how they're managing to block the toilets, but block them they do, frequently.

    The worst bit about it? It's like serial killers - these people that I work with *look* normal, but there's at least a significant minority who cannot even cope with basic toilet processes and hygiene. I have to assume that if flushing is too taxing for them, then handwashing is a complete non-no.
    And these people have access to the fridge.

  2. Oh my Lord - the ‘not flushing’ crime. I can’t believe it’s not on the statute books.

    It reminds me of series 1 of Benidorm when Donald & Jacqueline explain to Martin & Katie exactly what was staring up at them when they lifted the lid of the toilet on checking in during a previous visit to the hotel. Let’s just say reference was made to the object in question being the size of a ‘tuna baguette’. I believe Donald had to ‘break its back’ with a pointed stick.

    *shudder* indeed!!

    From what my GF has always said, female colleagues are just as guilty as men when it comes to toilet crimes. As I usually mutter under my breath: so much for the ‘fairer sex’. :p


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