Wacky Keywords – May 2010 – Part 1

Law Actually May search terms part 1It’s been a bumper month for wacky search terms so I’ve decided to split this into 2 parts.  I know, readers, I know: I spoil you so!

Anyway, let’s get straight to it:

"competent person" AND highway AND "New York" - You’ll be lucky!  Have you seen how those guys drive?

“llm learning torrent” - So let me get this straight: you want to download your postgrad degree in law from a bit torrent site?

“slipped on grape at work but my soliciator says I wont win claim. help” - Those damn ‘soliciators’, eh?  :p

“porn industry compensation claims” - wow... my mind is already racing as to what kind of injury might have been involved!  ;-)

“can a single mum do llb” - of course!  Be advised though that breastfeeding in seminars is generally frowned upon!

“toilet seats that are not meant to remove” - isn’t that usually the idea.  Actually, you’ve given me another invention idea there - portable toilet seats!

“do the astronaut wear seat belt to sit on the toilet?” - Oh, bless your heart for asking!  Yes, otherwise... well, I’ll let your mind fill in the blanks.

“personal injury on works outing uk” - I bet the boss of that firm wishes he’d never bothered now!

“Best way to use dictaphones for a law office” - hold near to mouth, press record and speak clearly.   Do you need a demonstration?  :p

“meaningful tattoos for women about loss” - doesn’t every tattoo necessarily signify a loss of the person’s dignity?  (particularly the tramp stamp!!)

“Despite laws that require you to wear seat belt , many people don't not wear them” - what’s this... state the obvious hour?  :p

“how do i make my business legal uk” - stop selling class A drugs.

“primark push up 8 year old” - what’s this?  Some kind of junior athletic challenge held in store?

“dictaphone spare parts” - most dictaphone users tend to be spare parts in my experience.  :p

“what's wrong with retail” - what’s right with it?  

“weird british birthday laws” - birthday bumps can only legally be given during a leap year.  s78(1)(c) of the Annual Acclamation, Commemoration and Celebrations Act 1924    ;-)

“stockroom nazi” - I think I worked with one in my summer job a few years ago.

“etiquette for law students” – Rule number 1: No farting in lectures. And ladies, a pre-emptive squirt of your bodyspray, and then coughing whilst rustling papers to cover the dastardly deed doesn’t completely mask it! Also, chaps, always hold the door for a lady!  Does not apply to ladettes, though.  In that situation, you’re safe to let it swing shut in her face! ;-)

“law can't revise topics more than once” – I can see why that might prove to be a problem!

“the dirt man take of the skirt in the street” - sounds like a coded message to me.  

“pillow throw law graduate” - all law grads love a pillow fight!

“employment law invading my personal space” - That module can get a bit much, can’t it?  Still, try not to become paranoid would be my advice.

“im doing an LLM Criminal Law” – Seriously?  Why would you punch that statement into Google?

“I burned up - literally” - Well, it has been hot recently.

“HOW TO REVISE FOR AN EMPLOYMENT LAW BUSINESS EXAM” - you can judge from the use of capitals that this visitor was bordering on a first degree panic attack.

“law student eligible for jury service?” A painful yes, I’m afraid.  See my monumental boob!  

“failure llb” – Oh come on: think positively!

“laws on doing up a moped” – One word: Don’t!!  You’ll look ridiculous, buzzing along with the noise of a backfiring 747 when you’re managing a whole 8 mph!  Seriously, every car driver in the vicinity is pi*sing their pants watching you tootle along.

Stick around for part 2 folks. There’s plenty more keyword gold I’ve kept back! :-)


  1. I think the person searching for llm torrent might have wanted a specialization in bit torrent law. Sounds like a great idea for a course. That and a subbranch of employment law: worker's comp in the porn industry.


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