50 shades of sauce

Brown sauce, of course.

^{Ooh la la}

From the Telegraph 10/07/12:

Raymond Hodgson, 31, was charged with common assault after being appalled to discover that his partner of five years, Emma McCormick, had been reading the racy book [50 Shades of Grey].

Racy? I think that’s the least of its offences and a wholly unsuitable adjective. 

Carlisle Magistrates' Court heard how their tiff over the book escalated to the point where Hodgson decided take to his revenge.

In court, Hodgson pleaded guilty to the single charge of common assault.

"Mr Hodgson thought that the book was pornographic, and that she should not read such literature.

It pains me that this utter tripe is associated with the word ‘literature’, but still.  I’d not even heard of this garbage until a couple of weeks ago; now I can’t open the Metro of a morning without seeing it mentioned somewhere.

"The argument continued into the following day, with the two exchanging text messages."

He went to her home at 7pm on June 26 and took with him a bottle of brown sauce.

"She answered the door and the argument continued.

"She went to close the door and he jammed his foot into the door, and then squirted her with this bottle of sauce."

When interviewed by the police, Hodgson said he felt Fifty Shades of Grey was a 'distasteful' and 'pornographic' book.

A not unreasonable point of view, I’d say. Still, no need to go squirting sauce about every which way.

Asked about his views of the book after the case, Hodgson said that he did what he did to Miss McCormick to show her what saucy really meant.

Oh Lord. I was waiting for that brarmer being dropped in.

I wonder how long it took him to think that one up.