Friday, 26 March 2010

Choc-Actually: Chocolate Designed with Lawyers in mind

choc-actually chocolate for lawyers

Coming to all good confectioners...

As Donald Trump might say, 'The confectionary industry... it's a big business.  And I want a slice of it ... (or should that be square?)

Introducing a new range of dreamy, creamy chocolate - designed particularly for a lawyer's vices.  Legal professionals, students and graduates  up and down the UK are discovering the revolutionary pleasure sensation that is Choc-Actually.  Made with 78% cocoa, it's sure to deliver 200% pleasure.  With a patented ultra-quiet foil wrapping, it won't give the lawyer with a craving away.  Choc-Actually so sensually satisfying, it never stops at one bar...

Be sure to  get your bar of Choc-Actually today, available at all good confectioners.

Choc-Actually...  Yes it's chocolate.  No actually - really!

What people / obscure publications are saying:

"Just what I needed to get through that deposition", Adrian, 42, slightly bored divorce lawyer.

"God that's good chocolate", 'Nicky', 24, trainee with a magic circle firm.

"I never really thought of chocolate this way before", Susan, 42, legal secretary from Hull.

The Chocolate-Box Review: "It's pure, unadulterated stimuli for the pleasure senses"

Generic Trashy Mag: "Yes, oh Yesssss!!!"

Guilty Pleasures in Chocolate: "it's instant gratification for lawyers - lucky them!".

"Oooh - it set my senses a-tingle", Rosie, 19, Law Student (quite the little madam).

Cocoa-Today: "Takes chocolate to a whole new level.... It's time to reconceptualise the chocolate experience ... [it's] sheer brilliance in a wrapper."

"This much pleasure can't be legal, surely?" - Justice of the Peace from Croydon.

"I just can't get enough, I can't", - Jamie, 25, Licensed Conveyancer from Cardiff.

Another trashy magazine ran with the story, "Legal secretary in shock-sensation ... caught chomping on senior partner's bar".

"You'll want a stock for your desk drawer", - Addictive Lawyers' Bulletin

"Cah-ching: It hits the spot, baby", - Loose Lawyer's Weekly.

"It's crazy, everybody seems to have a bar in lectures, seminars",  and “My lecturer imposes a 10 minute chocolate break during lectures now... it's the pick-me-up we all need - particularly in land law!” say generic students from new university.

"It's utterly choc-tacular" - The Enthused Observationist.

Confessions from a mid-life crisis: "My secretary's always trying to get her hands on mine..."

"It's quick and satisfying under-desk pleasure", says anonymous (and slightly desperate) paralegal, 22 from Rotherham.  "Thank God for that ultra quiet wrapping!"

"Not to be enjoyed judiciously - wow... they got that right", Anon.

"It delivers an instant high for needy law students" says student rep from undisclosed London university.

"Be prepared for ultimate pleasure-addiction", Anon.

"You'll certainly go off on a frolic of your own... who knew chocolate could be this satisfying", says High Court judge from 'the home counties'.

The Modern Barrister: "This is no ordinary chocolate bar - it's more like chocolate for the bar". 

“Seriously Goood!!  .... the client certainly wasn't getting my full attention.  But I don't feel guilty - after all, I'm a lawyer - I've done far worse!  ;-)”,  Rebecca, 27, solicitor with a craving.


  1. Looks good, but what a sexist wrapper!

  2. that's not sexiest, that's the minx in neoprene on the wrapper - now we know what she's doing! (with apologies to spinal tap).

    i do wonder whether 200% pleasure is held to be part of the offer or mere puff...

  3. Good one, SW. :p

    For subsequent designs and our Easter Egg and body paint due to be released shortly, I'm happy to trial different models, posing naked, covered in chocolate holding a bar of choc actually.

    Seeing as this is chocolate for the legal profession, it would ring more true if we could get models from the 'sphere.... so...

    Andro, Pooni, Barmaid, - any of you up for that? ;-)

    We could always go for a group shot, eh?? ;-)

  4. Somewhat curiously, the focus group studies I commissioned felt that the wrapper design we went with would 'appeal to both sexes'.


  5. and a fitting prequel to the re-emergence of the minx, venus-like from the waves!!!! how she combines the modelling for choc bar wrappers with her law and blogging i will never know!

  6. My DEAR Zen,

    You will never forgive me for the admission that I used to surf and windsurf will you?!? ( *looks at wrapper, considers ammount of talc required to SQUEEZE into all that RUBBER and faints*)

  7. Just to confirm, that's chocolate - *not* a wetsuit.

    Minxy, if you want to be a model for the dark, white or mint chocolate versions, as per my previous comment, I'm going to be holding auditions shortly. :-)

  8. What a contemporary approach?Cool......