What kind of reviser / studier are you?

It’s revision / study season and in recognition of the agony students are currently going through, here’s my latest version of ‘what kind of ... are you’.

I think this will be something all of us in the blawgosphere can relate to, though perhaps we should keep the fact we exhibit behaviour falling into some of the less desirable categories to ourselves.  ;-)

	What it really means	We Say	Try	Why
The Crammer	You know you should have found that motivation to start revision before now but, you know.... things... kinda.. came up. (hmm.. they always do, don’t they?)	If you do well in the exam(s), you won’t have deserved it. And you know, deep down, that’s true. ;-)	A bit more dedication next time / learning from past mistakes, eh?	Despite what you’ve told yourself all these years, you don’t actually work better under intense pressure.
The Self-Righteous ‘Low Voltage’ Student	You’re as cool as they come and, guess what, you haven’t even done 10 minutes of revision. Oh really?	We all know you’re actually bricking it / have been studying like a neurotic beaver* for the past 6 weeks - or both.	Counselling / drowning yourself	No one likes a clever dick*
The Sunshine Student	You’re a narcissistic, sun-worshipping a-hole, sat on the grass around campus ‘revising’... we all know you’re really ogling students of the opposite sex.	We hope you sit on a thistle, get badly sunburnt and stung by a wasp.	Sitting at your desk once in a while. Just face it, sitting outside ‘starring’ at a page is about as useful as peeing in the wind.	Revision shouldn’t be enjoyable
The Couch Potato	You’re as lazy as sin and you couldn’t care less.	God bless you	Getting off your fat ass once in a while.	Do you want to be stuck in an endless cycle of re-takes, only to be ultimately failed and given a ‘diploma’ instead of a degree?
The I-need-my-daily-dose-of-Prozac	You’re a hyperactive freakoid buzzing in and out of your revision notes (and around your increasingly frustrated peers) like a demented gnat.	Try and get a handle on things.. you’re bringing everyone down with your negative energy.	Staying off the coca cola and candy.	Everything in moderation remember. Wait! That shouldn’t apply to revision!
The Serial Retaker	“This time is the final practice run... no, for real this time.” Don’t tell me, you’ll really, really study hard for the retakes?! :p	You’re f*cked	Doing everyone a favour and drop the hell out	You’re just not cut out for Uni... better accept it now than later.
The Steady Eddie	You’re not exactly going for pole position, but you’re hopefully on course for a ‘desmond’ (2:2) if you hook everything up...	Turning the wick up... relying on a few post it notes stuck on walls at this level just doesn’t cut it!	Pulling your freaking finger out!	Because who wants to be relegated to the ‘also rans’?!?
The Slut	You’ve flirted your way through classes this far and have suddenly been left in a panic realising you might have to actually do some work to pass your exams.	No, writing the examiner a seductive note at the end of your script, offering sexual favours isn’t going to get you a first class degree.	Wearing a longer skirt and/or less revealing top and do some God damn work.	Because your ultra short skirt and pert, bouncing jahooblies are lovely and all that, but flashing your goods at the lecturer just won’t cut it any longer.
The I’m planning to cheat in the exam	You’ve spent the study season cramming every spare inch of your casebook(s) with study notes / devised some other (more fraudulent) plan.	We know, you’re just playing the system to your advantage / outright cheating :p	Playing fair for once in your cheatin’ life	You’ll only cheat yourself in the long run... yadda, yadda, yadda... but seriously, what if you’re caught?! :-/

*And please, no sniggering at the words ‘beaver’ or ‘dick’. :p