Legal Tightwads & Drinks Machines

lawyer coffee
From Roll on Friday 29/07/11:

In an exciting new business development, the uber-profitable Devonshires has dispensed with fruit bowls, biscuits and monthly drinks for staff in the name of cost saving.

A source told RollOnFriday that the firm has removed the free fruit it used to provide for staff - although reportedly only one piece per person, mind. Devonshires apparently also used to stock the kitchens with biscuits, but these too have vanished. And to top it off, the monthly drinks laid on so hard-working Devonshire associates could loosen their ties have been replaced by biannual drinks. Which must finish by 9pm.


Talking of drinks and staff perks, we’ve all enjoyed the drinks machine which provides coffees, teas, mochas, cappuccinos, soups and occasionally wet-fronted trousers for close to a year now.

However, since overhearing fragments of a very enlightening conversation when the vending company last came in to replenish said machine, I’ve scaled my intake right back. I didn’t catch every word that was said – the new position of my desk in our increasingly open-plan office (another sore point) is too far away for that – but I heard enough.

Phrases like, “well I wouldn’t drink it”, “it can’t be doing you any good”, “worse than a grounded-up mars bar” were enough to put me off for life. Well, within reason. Given that caffeine seems to be the fuel which most in legal practice run off, cutting it out entirely, just wasn’t an option.

Still, I’ve cut my coffee intake down to 2 a day (after my kickstarter with breakfast) and haven’t touched anything with chocolate in since that fateful day.


  1. My impression from open evenings and so on that the main reason to work in a big firm was the fruit and pastries.

    Vending machines are a bit like butchery for me. If you want to contentedly enjoy the end product you don't want to be around for the preparation. My sealed-products-only-policy started in similar circumstances -- the maintenance guy in a day care I went to as a child had a "scraper" specifically for the slightly dodgy vending machine the staff used.

  2. Ah, the perks of working at home...

  3. Stephen - hehe... that's a great dilbert! I do actually feel better for reducing my caffeine intake, well - most of the time.

    John - you're a lucky one!


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